He was there

[sympathygrl]

He glared at me,
he was blazing with perfection
Yes he knows my quake for him,
his grace is an ocean
Long lashes,
Brown eyes, his lips like a baby
Nothing but his pure skin was all I could see
He was there,
I could see the dandruff on his hair
The honesty in his looks made me stare

Wide chest,
those long thick legs
His grace touched like Poe's 'Bells'
I couldn't define,
I couldn't wear a disguise
If he touched me,
He would feel my shake, no lies.
No love, no lust
The air said something else, something deep
How could my world go on
When this guy's presence made me weep...

The man I didn't see before
Where could he be?
In her arms,
Or all this time waiting for me?
Lucky those words,
Lucky that he wrote
If only I could read them
I'd turn them into a poem.
He was there,
Yes he was there
Leaving me numb,
Making me stare.

[cacian]

Hi sympathygirl this is an interesting piece. love and longing are almost entertwined if it was not for a happy ending so to speak.

first stanza:

I enjoyed the first stanza until it hit the last two lines:
''I could see the dandruff on his hair''
the really put me off. I think either enjoy the description to its best if it is someone you like. this is is how I feel :)
then
The honesty in his looks made me stare
I am not sure I understand this. why would you stare? out of happiness or shock? I am not sure.

these two lines seem to be in contradiction with the first ones.


the second stanza:

''His grace touched like Poe's 'Bells'''
i am not familiar with the expression.

''If he touched me,
He would feel my shake, no lies.
No love, no lust
The air said something else, something deep''
I am not sure what you mean here. no love no lust? I thought the poet was in love?


third stanza:

I thought the last stanza sounded better because there was no doubt the longing for this man is still alive but the reader is left wondering what next. perhaps a follow up poem would do nicely. :)

favourite lines:
''Lucky those words,
Lucky that he wrote
If only I could read them
I'd turn them into a poem.''

very clever that you would turn words into a poem. I really like that. :)

I enjoyed it as whole. I think it an honest and truthful view onto how love or longing can actually affect someone . :)
thank you for posting !!

[sympathygrl]

OMG !!! Someone actually read every words I wrote :)
#I stared because his perfection shocked me :">
#Read Edgar Allan Poe's poem called "Bells" (The words are itself 'bells')
#Haha I found his dandruff attractive :P
#I wasn't in love with him, I was in love with his grace ^_^

Thank you so much for replying.... I'm just a young writer and I'm still learning. :)
Pardon my mistakes. Thanks for admiring.