Biggus
09-07-2013, 06:12 AM
WHEREVER MY FATHER IS RIGHT NOW # 2
Wherever my father is right now
I’m sure he’s looking down
He’s definitely not dead yet
He’s just a condescending git
HAS ANYONE EVER SAID TO YOU?
Has anyone ever said to you?
“Try and walk in someone else’s shoes”
Well I find that for me the concept is
Quite problematic to my views
After all it would have to depend
Greatly on exactly whose shoes
IT’S NOT THE ANGLE OF DANGLE
It’s not the angle of dangle
That’s the measure of pleasure
It’s the moments in the afterglow
That we ultimately treasure
DO YOU WANT BABY SPINACH
“Do you want Baby Spinach?
Or Water Cress Dad”
My daughter asked me
And I went completely mad
“For God’s sake just choose one
It’s not Rocket Salad”
WHERE’S THE BLOODY TORCH
“Where’s the bloody Torch?”
My wife asked angrily
“I don’t know where it is
Perhaps you could enlighten me”
“Well not without the Torch”
I replied curtly
ARE YOU WEARING YOUR HAIR DIFFERENTLY?
Are you wearing your hair differently?
It’s definitely some kind of reworking
No you’re not wearing your hair differently
I can clearly see now that it’s a merkin
PROS AND CONS FOR BECOMING A CAT OWNER
I was told I should buy a cat
“Why on earth would I do that?”
“They’re good company” they say
“And they keep the mice away”
Well eventually they convinced me
And I admit its good company
As to the expelling from my house
Of every type and size of mouse
They are a great disappointment
And their failure is evident
It is they who bring in a mouse
Into the comfort of my house
As a toy with which they play
But they let the toy get away
Now the mouse is here to stay
TRAFFIC COP – HOLD IT
When the police pulled me over
The reason wasn’t exactly clear
It could have been the speeding
That caused the police to appear
Or running several red lights
Or my complete inability to steer
Any of the above would have done it
Of that I am perfectly clear
But what I said to the officer
Was what really swung it I fear
“I can easily reach my license
If you would hold my beer”
Wherever my father is right now
I’m sure he’s looking down
He’s definitely not dead yet
He’s just a condescending git
HAS ANYONE EVER SAID TO YOU?
Has anyone ever said to you?
“Try and walk in someone else’s shoes”
Well I find that for me the concept is
Quite problematic to my views
After all it would have to depend
Greatly on exactly whose shoes
IT’S NOT THE ANGLE OF DANGLE
It’s not the angle of dangle
That’s the measure of pleasure
It’s the moments in the afterglow
That we ultimately treasure
DO YOU WANT BABY SPINACH
“Do you want Baby Spinach?
Or Water Cress Dad”
My daughter asked me
And I went completely mad
“For God’s sake just choose one
It’s not Rocket Salad”
WHERE’S THE BLOODY TORCH
“Where’s the bloody Torch?”
My wife asked angrily
“I don’t know where it is
Perhaps you could enlighten me”
“Well not without the Torch”
I replied curtly
ARE YOU WEARING YOUR HAIR DIFFERENTLY?
Are you wearing your hair differently?
It’s definitely some kind of reworking
No you’re not wearing your hair differently
I can clearly see now that it’s a merkin
PROS AND CONS FOR BECOMING A CAT OWNER
I was told I should buy a cat
“Why on earth would I do that?”
“They’re good company” they say
“And they keep the mice away”
Well eventually they convinced me
And I admit its good company
As to the expelling from my house
Of every type and size of mouse
They are a great disappointment
And their failure is evident
It is they who bring in a mouse
Into the comfort of my house
As a toy with which they play
But they let the toy get away
Now the mouse is here to stay
TRAFFIC COP – HOLD IT
When the police pulled me over
The reason wasn’t exactly clear
It could have been the speeding
That caused the police to appear
Or running several red lights
Or my complete inability to steer
Any of the above would have done it
Of that I am perfectly clear
But what I said to the officer
Was what really swung it I fear
“I can easily reach my license
If you would hold my beer”