Breast Feeding

[peter7805]

Breast Feeding


At this moment

On a chair of the hospital passage

I see a young mother with the shirt open

Putting her white and full breast

Into her baby’s mouth

The baby looks very hungry

And is sucking his mother’s nipple hard

As if blotting up all her milk

And even blood instead if it could be food

This reminds me of another occasion

Once in a strong earthquake

A surviving baby was lying under her mother

With the breast in his mouth, sucking sucking sucking

Without knowing his mother was dead

[Delta40]

This needs a rewrite. The tense is mixed, the baby becomes an it and some of the sentence structures are a little off.

The blouse?
Sending her breast?

This could be more powerful with some better word usage

[peter7805]

This needs a rewrite. The tense is mixed, the baby becomes an it and some of the sentence structures are a little off.

The blouse?
Sending her breast?

This could be more powerful with some better word usage

thank you very much !

[cacian]

wow I was not expecting the last line. I do however feel that this poem reads like a picture. as if one looking at picture.
what made you write this piece?