The Devil and the gopher

[Quantareau]

The Devil and the Gopher

In meadow bright with sunlit mirth
She stopped to feel the spinning Earth,
And laid down in the verdant grass.
Then some damn gopher, bit her ***.

In screams and curses never heard
By any beast or soaring bird,
She grabbed that gopher by the tail
And flung the helpless thing to Hell.

Upon arrival at His gate
The Devil asked him to relate
What evil deed had brought him there.
“I bit a woman’s derriere”

With that the Devil laughed out loud
“Dear gopher”, said he “I am proud”
“I’ve never felt this much delight,
Except when Eve, took that first bite.”

The gopher bowed and asked his leave
He said his wife and kids would grieve
To know their poor ole daddy’s fate
Had brought him to the Devils gate.

The Devil asked him to re-tell
Just how a Gopher got to hell.
With tear filled eyes the gopher cried,
You know of course I have not died.

“Quite right”, the devil said with care
“But you bit her derriere”.
“Oh surly”, cried he with a wail,
“Alone that’s not deserving hell.”

The Devil thought for quite some time
(But not to just prolong this rhyme)
“Ah-Ha”, He cried with evil mirth
Then flung that Gopher back to Earth

The gopher landed on her chest
Stood frozen there between her breast
The gopher squealed out in surprise
Barley two inches from her eyes.

The woman screeched to see the sight
The gopher nearly died of fright
Both fainted ere they caught their breath.
The Devil damn near laughed to death.

[Hawkman]

This is a lot of fun, but it's a pity wail, tail and Hell don't rhyme.

'With that the Devil laughed out loud
“Dear gopher”, said he “I am proud”
“I’ve never felt this much delight,
Except when Eve, took that first bite.”'

you might want to give this a tweak to conform the rhythm and you don't need all those quote marks.

With that the Devil laughed out loud
“Dear gopher, I am very proud;
I’ve never known so much delight,
Except when Eve, took that first bite.”

and

"“Quite right”, the devil said with care
“But you bit her derriere”.
“it's true”, cried gopher with a yell,
“Alone that’s not deserving hell.”

and

"The gopher landed on her chest,
Stood frozen there between her breasts
and then he squealed in great surprise,
a mere two inches from her eyes."

Can't think of anything to replace tail unfortunately - hi ho.

Very amusing though.

Live and be well - H

[AuntShecky]

Please look up the past tense of the verb "lie."

I was going to say that when one is striving for a humorous effect, brevity is best, but then I was amused by the self-referential line in the 8th verse "Not just to prolong the rhyme."

Other than that, quite enjoyable.

[Quantareau]

Please look up the past tense of the verb "lie."

I was going to say that when one is striving for a humorous effect, brevity is best, but then I was amused by the self-referential line in the 8th verse "Not just to prolong the rhyme."

Other than that, quite enjoyable.

Thanks Aunt Shreky

[Quantareau]

This is a lot of fun, but it's a pity wail, tail and Hell don't rhyme.

'With that the Devil laughed out loud
“Dear gopher”, said he “I am proud”
“I’ve never felt this much delight,
Except when Eve, took that first bite.”'

you might want to give this a tweak to conform the rhythm and you don't need all those quote marks.

With that the Devil laughed out loud
“Dear gopher, I am very proud;
I’ve never known so much delight,
Except when Eve, took that first bite.”

and

"“Quite right”, the devil said with care
“But you bit her derriere”.
“it's true”, cried gopher with a yell,
“Alone that’s not deserving hell.”

and

"The gopher landed on her chest,
Stood frozen there between her breasts
and then he squealed in great surprise,
a mere two inches from her eyes."

Can't think of anything to replace tail unfortunately - hi ho.

Very amusing though.

Live and be well - H

Thanks Hawkman (What kind of Hawk?)