Steven Hunley
08-27-2013, 11:11 AM
This is rant-not a story.
Rage Against the Machine
T.V. used to sell a machine called the multi-tool. It was a saw, a drill-press, a sander, a lathe. It did the work of six ordinary machines. Only problem was, it did none of them well. So it’s gone. It’s history. But we’ve got something to take its place. We got the cell-phone.
Of course they’re not just phones. They’re cameras, calculators, stereos, and computers. They do none of them well. When friends show me their latest -greatest cell-phone I have to just gush,
“Oh, how cool! A cell-phone and a calculator! Oh, and it’s a camera too, oh yes, with millions of megapixels, and a computer. How very nice for you.”
That usually takes care of it. But unfortunately there’s more.
“Wow, so it texts too?” (why anybody wants to text anyone else is beyond me. The keys are much too small) So I say,
“I love the pictures, got anymore?” (you have to be at just the right angle to see it, and the screen is the size of a postage stamp)
Then I follow with,
“Oh, and it plays music too!?” (it sounds tinny at best, since the speaker’s the size of a fingernail) The wires are all over the place, and even with the "ear-buds" as they're called, they still sound like Munchkin speakers for Chipmunks, and I was a boy-scout and all, and love to untangle knots and all, so I say,
“I really dig the base. Bump it Baby, bump it!”
Then it rings one of those God-awful-stupid custom rings and I have to say,
“Oh, a call for me?” (I can’t quite make out what they’re saying. They can’t quite hear me. But that’s O.K. since the call was dropped anyway)
So, ultra-modern cell-phone users, take some advice. Get over yourself and your latest toy.
Oh, and don't forget to charge the sucker, you're always forgetting to charge it! You know how you absolutely love to charge it!
And besides, you're an important person! You need to be reached by phone wherever you go! You're some kinda president or prime minister or something!
You're so important you just have to have everyone around you listen to your inane responses when your wife or husband wants you to pick up the laundry! And you have to have that important information right now!
Yeah, that's it, you're a master or mistress of technology! You can text! You have clever thumbs! And you like getting calls no matter where you are! And you love the mark the cell-phone makes on the fanny of your custom blue jeans, yes you do!
Because you are important! Not self-centered you understand, but IMPORTANT! You're a BIG WHEEL!
Well, BIG WHEEL, roll some where else with your cell-phone will ya? And give us all a break.
Me, I went organic on the communication devices. I have a pen full of passenger pigeons. I write short messages and tape them to their little skinny bird legs. That keeps all my communications concise. And the birds are so cute, I give them all names.
Come on cell-phone users out there, admit it. When was the last cell-phone you had was so cute you gave it a name?
And besides, a bag of millet seed is a lot less than Sprint and Verizon or what AT&T charges, and you don't have to mess with chargers and wires.
You just have to pick up the poop.
Rage Against the Machine
T.V. used to sell a machine called the multi-tool. It was a saw, a drill-press, a sander, a lathe. It did the work of six ordinary machines. Only problem was, it did none of them well. So it’s gone. It’s history. But we’ve got something to take its place. We got the cell-phone.
Of course they’re not just phones. They’re cameras, calculators, stereos, and computers. They do none of them well. When friends show me their latest -greatest cell-phone I have to just gush,
“Oh, how cool! A cell-phone and a calculator! Oh, and it’s a camera too, oh yes, with millions of megapixels, and a computer. How very nice for you.”
That usually takes care of it. But unfortunately there’s more.
“Wow, so it texts too?” (why anybody wants to text anyone else is beyond me. The keys are much too small) So I say,
“I love the pictures, got anymore?” (you have to be at just the right angle to see it, and the screen is the size of a postage stamp)
Then I follow with,
“Oh, and it plays music too!?” (it sounds tinny at best, since the speaker’s the size of a fingernail) The wires are all over the place, and even with the "ear-buds" as they're called, they still sound like Munchkin speakers for Chipmunks, and I was a boy-scout and all, and love to untangle knots and all, so I say,
“I really dig the base. Bump it Baby, bump it!”
Then it rings one of those God-awful-stupid custom rings and I have to say,
“Oh, a call for me?” (I can’t quite make out what they’re saying. They can’t quite hear me. But that’s O.K. since the call was dropped anyway)
So, ultra-modern cell-phone users, take some advice. Get over yourself and your latest toy.
Oh, and don't forget to charge the sucker, you're always forgetting to charge it! You know how you absolutely love to charge it!
And besides, you're an important person! You need to be reached by phone wherever you go! You're some kinda president or prime minister or something!
You're so important you just have to have everyone around you listen to your inane responses when your wife or husband wants you to pick up the laundry! And you have to have that important information right now!
Yeah, that's it, you're a master or mistress of technology! You can text! You have clever thumbs! And you like getting calls no matter where you are! And you love the mark the cell-phone makes on the fanny of your custom blue jeans, yes you do!
Because you are important! Not self-centered you understand, but IMPORTANT! You're a BIG WHEEL!
Well, BIG WHEEL, roll some where else with your cell-phone will ya? And give us all a break.
Me, I went organic on the communication devices. I have a pen full of passenger pigeons. I write short messages and tape them to their little skinny bird legs. That keeps all my communications concise. And the birds are so cute, I give them all names.
Come on cell-phone users out there, admit it. When was the last cell-phone you had was so cute you gave it a name?
And besides, a bag of millet seed is a lot less than Sprint and Verizon or what AT&T charges, and you don't have to mess with chargers and wires.
You just have to pick up the poop.