Rusulka

[Delta40]

I tiptoe through ripples of
naked despair
that moan between the ebb
and flow of half light.

Held captive beneath muddy banks,
unbaptized babes weep forever.

Rusalka my heart breaks like
the waves against you
like an unwed bride
left to wander down the empty aisles
of your waterways.

Every bubble on the murky surface
is a final breath from a child's corpse.

I float through the sobbing eve
A ghost of my castaway life
who once shone in a living world
full of charms and thought.

[Hawkman]

I hesitate to mention the spelling of the name, assuming you are referring to the death spirit of the lake, who now seems to be sulking... :svengo: ;)

Given the subject matter, the narrator seems to be expressing a death-wish although the mention of hazelnuts is a bit of a curveball, or if, as an antipodean, you prefer a cricketing analogy, a Yorker. You just can't trust those spin bowlers. :D I keep thinking of squirrels because of those nuts.

The poem is very atmospheric for the most part, suitably gloomy and morbid. Half-light, death and decay echoing through a wilderness of despair. Except for the squirrels anyway ;) (I really would recommend losing the hazelnuts) They just strike me as funny in context.

I'm not sure about the simple statements as the last lines of the stanzas. The first one almost works, but I honestly think the poem would be better without them, as they do come across as rather contrived add ons which don't really flow organically from the verses. Without the incongruities it's a nice gothic piece with good rhythm.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Ooops! can't fix the title. Ok. I'll remove them. I put them there as an afterthought. The hazelnuts are a superstitious practice but since I've made a terrible impression and drove you 'nuts' I'll take it out as well!

[Hawkman]

Thanks :D my equanimity is restored.

[Delta40]

Phew! That's a relief. Hope it didn't hurt when you reinserted it :biggrin5:

[DieterM]

Beautifully gloomy indeed. I guess the second "of" in line 2 is just a typo? Otherwise, I really enjoyed your poem!

[Delta40]

Damn I'm off track today. Thanks Dieter.