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Wade-newb
08-13-2013, 03:26 PM
"It's not about me".
Somehow I knew that line was right
From the second I said it
And they heard
It falling in the night

Their gasps were hidden
By cold and inky darkness
And somehow I was forbidden
From seeing her
Again - ever.

That was a crying night
And I forget the fireworks from time
To time, but they're always there
With the smell of her hair
And the smell of my tears

After ten years you'd think
Maybe know that a night like that
Teaches you something grand
About life and love because... children
You need to know these things for children

"Daddy, mommy, what is this?"
There is so much love - beyond any posturing of a metaphor.
How could you tell them you don't know?
How can you not see the world from so close the floor.

Floors, to ceilings, to walls.
No matter the age, we all know where to wage our wars.
Young, aging, old.
They've heard everything I've had to say
And to end with "goodbye"...

Jerrybaldy
08-13-2013, 06:08 PM
I enjoyed it but feel it lost its way after S3. You could in fact end it there. The final three felt that you were unveiling a great truth that wasn't apparent.

Wade-newb
08-14-2013, 03:02 AM
Thank you for your feedback, it is appreciated.

Jerrybaldy
08-15-2013, 07:55 PM
Thank you for taking it. Look forward to reading you again.