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glenn84
08-10-2013, 04:21 AM
CAUGHT
By Glenn R.

She awoke in the most comfortable, strange bed ever, her hair tied into a bun, which was odd because she hated buns for some reason, but couldn’t recall why. She felt woozy as she sat up on the bed, vision blurry. When her eyes adjusted the cleanest white walls surrounded her, the floors were made of the shiniest white tiles, and she herself was dressed in a matching sparkling white dress.

She had no idea how she got to this place.

As a matter of fact she didn’t remember her own name, or her favorite food, or what she did the day before and the day before that. She had no idea if she was married, what her mother’s name was, what town she was born in, who her best friend was growing up. Suddenly she felt sick, she fell face-first to the shiny floor and gasped for air.

After a few minutes she forced herself to get up. Her legs felt like mush, like she hadn’t used them in years. She wobbled out of one perfect room into another and another. “Hello!” she shouted. “Is anybody home?” Every room she went into was the same. There were no rugs, no pictures, no paintings, just white everywhere, so much white it hurt her eyes.

She kept walking, trying to find someone, trying to find a way out. But the rooms stretched on forever. There was no end to them. She shouted again, “Hello!” She began to cry, her hands trembled with fear. She wiped her tears with one shaky hand, and when she brought her hand back down, it was orangey-red. It was makeup. She took both hands and rubbed her cheeks. Her face was caked with the gooey stuff. She wiped it all off with the sleeve of her magnificently white dress.

After a while she decided to give up. She curled up in one of the corners and wept for a long time.

A few hours must have passed when a noise startled her. She raised her head from between her knobby knees and wiped the tears from her eyes. There was somebody in the next room.

It took her a while to get up to her feet and walk into the room. “Hello?” she said. When she saw what it was she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Some short green monster was standing there, screeching at her. It ran out of the room in a blur, something compelled her to follow it. She thought maybe she had to, so she could wake up from this awful nightmare. The little monster ran for what seemed like an eternity, and somehow she followed, until they came to a room with a small hole. The monster went through and the hole began to close, she slid under it just before it shut completely.

The glare from outside immediately blinded her, she heard loud screeches coming from all around her, tiny footsteps scurrying everywhere. When her eyes adjusted she almost passed out: Little green monsters were everywhere. They seemed just as afraid of her as she was of them. Their tiny little arms were raised up into the air as they ran away from her. She decided to make a run for it.

She ran through the sea of little green monsters when she felt something sharp hit her back, a shock traveled up her spine, and she fell to the ground, shaking wildly. Then she blacked out.

This time when she awoke she was lying down on a stiff bed, light streamed in from a skylight above. Memories of who she was came back to her piece by piece. She was born in New York City. Her best friend growing up was Michelle. She hated buns because her mother would torture her by doing her hair until the age of eleven. Her favorite food was Italian, and she attended Columbia University.

Eventually she would go on to work for NASA. She remembered getting on a ship, an exploratory flight to a newly discovered planet. She was asleep for three years, along with seven other crew members. Something went wrong. There was a malfunction aboard the ship and the pods ejected. Years and years went by. She was eventually found by little green alien explorers. They must have thought she’d died in the crash, so they took her to their home planet, removed her from the pod, and dressed her up like some Barbie doll.

She sat up on the bed as the memories kept coming back to her. There was a TV in the corner of the room, a bathroom to her right, and a kitchen straight ahead. Her head felt like it was on fire as she got up and walked over to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of water. She emptied it in a matter of seconds and let out a burp, not caring if anyone heard her.

When she finished she went over to the only door in the tiny room and walked outside to a freshly cut lawn, the warm sunlight beamed down on her. She spotted a fence a couple hundred feet ahead. She walked over to it and made the mistake of grabbing it with her hand, the shock flung her ten feet into the air and she landed on her back; the sickly aroma of singed hair filled her nostrils.

Getting up from the grass took every ounce of energy she had in her body. She got as close to the fence as possible and looked around: Hundreds of little green aliens, some small, some tiny, were looking through a thick glass, some even seemed to be taking pictures. They were gawking at her, pointing with their tiny fingers.

She kept looking around when she spotted a 3D image of Earth, some of the aliens were reading the text that scrolled alongside it. Then an image of a human female appeared, and even more alien text. She turned around and looked back to the miniature house with no roof, then up at the skylight. She finally figured out where she was when the final piece of her memory came back to her.

Her name was Ann Taylor and she was the main attraction at an alien zoo.

AuntShecky
08-15-2013, 05:57 PM
Oh, no, no, no.

This is an almost-exact duplicate of the plot of an actual Twilight Zone episode.

Also, I just happened to glance at the date of this story as well as the other two I've just read. All three of them were posted within the last five days or so.

Right there might be the reason you haven't garnered many responses. You have to give us enough time!

glenn84
08-15-2013, 09:39 PM
Darn you Twilight Zone! I've never actually watched any episodes, if you can believe that. I guess they thought of everything.

I'll definitely stop posting consecutive stories from here on out. I guess I was just a bit impatient.

Calidore
08-15-2013, 10:01 PM
TV Tropes has an entire page on this one.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PeopleZoo

AuntShecky
08-17-2013, 04:57 PM
Thanks for the useful link, Calidore.

And Glenn, I know that there exists a "Star Trek" link in which you can view every episode of the original series (late 60s) for free. I can attest to this because I searched for, found, and watched the ep. about the crew of The Enterprise encountering the Greek God Apollo on a distant planet. By extension, I wouldn't be surprised if there is a similar link to the old Twilight Zone episodes. In any event, every New Year's Day the cable channel "SyFy" runs a 24-hour marathon of these very shows. By this time, my fellow LitNutters might assume that their ol' auntie spends way too much time in front of the idiot box. Not true, at least not in the MLB off-season!


None of us has read the entire canon of everything that's ever been written, but it might be a good idea to do as much research as poss. to know what's out there. That way you can be more confident that what you're writing is indeed "new."

In between, maybe you'll want to work on how to improve your writing style. That's something from which all of us-- including yours fooly-- could benefit.
Auntie

Calidore
08-17-2013, 06:01 PM
Glen84: It is also worth mentioning that you can spell, put a sentence together, and obviously have proofread your post. All three of those are important, especially your willingness to do that last. Reader-friendly presentation will always help you in getting feedback, and in being taken seriously if/when you submit work for publication.


None of us has read the entire canon of everything that's ever been written, but it might be a good idea to do as much research as poss. to know what's out there. That way you can be more confident that what you're writing is indeed "new."


Yep, and not only for research. If you like writing this kind of story, reading the work of those who are good at it is the best kind of education.

Auntie: Be careful if you go to TVTropes, especially if you're new to it. A more perilous time-sink has never been invented.

glenn84
08-17-2013, 06:47 PM
Thanks guys. I admit I should have spent a little more time on this story. I wrote it in less than 2 hours. If anything it served as good practice for any stories I write in the future.

ralphr81
08-17-2013, 07:24 PM
I see where this story shares similarities with the 1960 Twilight Zone episode "people are alike all over," but in all honesty how many of today's readership will recall that episode when reading this story? Not very many.

I found the piece amusing for what it was and it has enough original elements to stand by itself. If someone decided to write another dinosaur story will you bash them for trying to copy Michael Crichton, or will you evaluate the story on what it does differently? If we criticized every story for sharing elements with previous works, there wouldn't be anything left to criticize!

Harry Potter and Star Wars is a perfect example. Same plots, character personalities and themes. But both are successful in their own right.

Glenn84 criticism is needed if you want to improve in your writing. But you also have to learn how to take everything with a pound of salt. Some criticism is helpful, while some isn't. And the criticism that points out similarities with other works without evaluating the other elements of a story is one of those you have to dismiss.