Chance33
08-08-2013, 10:03 PM
Sometimes, I just had to pretend to smile; to pretend to be okay. Acting was something I was used to doing. But I lost myself in the midst of it all. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I walked with the other seniors through the dry field that looked as though it was thirsting for a good rain. The seniors were yelling and laughing, while carrying drinks to wherever today’s hang out spot was. We came to an old, rusted barn and there I saw it. The others kept walking, not noticing it, or maybe not caring enough to really see it.
My forced smile disappeared and my eyes watered.
In a distant dream I hear my young voice: “Daddy! Daddy! I want a mustang!” I was five and it was the year 2000.
“Sweetie, you’re not old enough yet.” I frowned, but he continued, “I’ll tell you what, when you’re sixteen, I’ll get you a brand new 2011 mustang.”
“Daddy, that’s eleven more years!”
“Yes my smart, little girl. If you keep up with all that and live up to your potential, which I know will be great, you’ll get a mustang. I promise.”
Here I stood, his promise ringing in my ears.
In front of me was a brand new 2011 mustang, and it was right next to the rusty old barn. Something about that brand new, nice, valuable mustang being in this setting, where it clearly didn’t belong, made tears stream down my face.
I thought of Dad’s promise, here was the mustang that I hadn’t lived up to, wasting it’s potential in the wrong setting. What good was a mustang out here in the middle of nowhere? What was it doing?
I left, feeling no inclination to tell the others goodbye. They wouldn’t notice or remember. I went home to the empty three-story house. A house I had inherited too soon, and a life I wasn’t ready to live on my own yet.
I walked inside and looked through the mail I had tossed aside earlier this week. Princeton, Harvard, Dartmouth, Brown were all begging me to apply. I was uncommonly smart, but I never tried. I hadn’t tried for the past two years, and still they wanted me.
There was a knock on the door and the bell rang.
I answered it, and my sole guardian, Aunt Lucy, stood behind it. Her face flooded with relief as she saw me. “Where have you been?” She exclaimed.
I shrugged but went back to the mail. I thought of my father and mother and tears spilled over. No dad, I haven’t lived up to my potential. That’s why the mustang is lost in the middle of nowhere.
Sleep eluded me that night. After Aunt Lucy had gone to bed, I crept into my parent’s empty bedroom. I had refused to change anything about it after their death.
Despair filled my heart. My parents were honorable, God-fearing, charitable, and successful. The same had been expected of me, and the past two years had shown my unworthiness to be their daughter. My hand clenched in a fist as I vowed to them, there in the empty room, that I wouldn’t go back to the imposter I’d been the past two years.
I went back to the kitchen and filled out all of the college applications. Sometime, later that night, or early the next morning when the moon was still out, I went back to that old rusty barn and retrieved the shiny new 2011 mustang and drove it home, where it belonged.
Chance33
I walked with the other seniors through the dry field that looked as though it was thirsting for a good rain. The seniors were yelling and laughing, while carrying drinks to wherever today’s hang out spot was. We came to an old, rusted barn and there I saw it. The others kept walking, not noticing it, or maybe not caring enough to really see it.
My forced smile disappeared and my eyes watered.
In a distant dream I hear my young voice: “Daddy! Daddy! I want a mustang!” I was five and it was the year 2000.
“Sweetie, you’re not old enough yet.” I frowned, but he continued, “I’ll tell you what, when you’re sixteen, I’ll get you a brand new 2011 mustang.”
“Daddy, that’s eleven more years!”
“Yes my smart, little girl. If you keep up with all that and live up to your potential, which I know will be great, you’ll get a mustang. I promise.”
Here I stood, his promise ringing in my ears.
In front of me was a brand new 2011 mustang, and it was right next to the rusty old barn. Something about that brand new, nice, valuable mustang being in this setting, where it clearly didn’t belong, made tears stream down my face.
I thought of Dad’s promise, here was the mustang that I hadn’t lived up to, wasting it’s potential in the wrong setting. What good was a mustang out here in the middle of nowhere? What was it doing?
I left, feeling no inclination to tell the others goodbye. They wouldn’t notice or remember. I went home to the empty three-story house. A house I had inherited too soon, and a life I wasn’t ready to live on my own yet.
I walked inside and looked through the mail I had tossed aside earlier this week. Princeton, Harvard, Dartmouth, Brown were all begging me to apply. I was uncommonly smart, but I never tried. I hadn’t tried for the past two years, and still they wanted me.
There was a knock on the door and the bell rang.
I answered it, and my sole guardian, Aunt Lucy, stood behind it. Her face flooded with relief as she saw me. “Where have you been?” She exclaimed.
I shrugged but went back to the mail. I thought of my father and mother and tears spilled over. No dad, I haven’t lived up to my potential. That’s why the mustang is lost in the middle of nowhere.
Sleep eluded me that night. After Aunt Lucy had gone to bed, I crept into my parent’s empty bedroom. I had refused to change anything about it after their death.
Despair filled my heart. My parents were honorable, God-fearing, charitable, and successful. The same had been expected of me, and the past two years had shown my unworthiness to be their daughter. My hand clenched in a fist as I vowed to them, there in the empty room, that I wouldn’t go back to the imposter I’d been the past two years.
I went back to the kitchen and filled out all of the college applications. Sometime, later that night, or early the next morning when the moon was still out, I went back to that old rusty barn and retrieved the shiny new 2011 mustang and drove it home, where it belonged.
Chance33