Biggus
08-05-2013, 06:11 AM
ARE YOU WEARING A SPACESUIT?
Are you wearing a spacesuit?
Good that makes two of us
Because I'm an astronaut and
My mission is to explore Uranus
WHEN ALBERT EINSTEIN
When Albert Einstein
Tugged on his penis
It was widely regarded
As a stroke of genius
WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SUGGESTED # 3
When my girlfriend suggested
We play Doctors and Nurses
I was up for it even when
She told me about the role reverses
But when I dressed up in a uniform
With a starched white apron
She buggered off to play
Eighteen holes with a surgeon
THEY SAY THAT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
They say that the love of your life
Will only come into view
When you’re not really looking
Which for me was certainly true
Unfortunately when we met
I was texting as I drove my Rover
Just as she crossed the road
Which is why I ran her over
PICKUP # 8
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
But if your tastes are unusual
Don’t be shy about it
Don’t beat about the bush
Just come right out with it
Say “I'd suck a fart out of your ***
And hold it like a bong hit”
I WAS CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING
I was caught shoplifting
Form the Apple store
It was my first offence
I’d not done it before
They didn’t prosecute
I got lucky clearly
Although I think it was
Only Scrumping really
THE BANK OF ENGLAND ANNOUNCED
The Bank of England Announced
In an article they wrote
Jane Austen Will appear
On the new ten pound note
I don’t like to put a damper
On the decision but you see
This decision means that
She will be the “Tenner” Lady
ARE YOU WEARING BLUE LIPSTICK?
Are you wearing blue lipstick?
Then you must be a Dutch chick
Because I’ve heard the song Ma’am
About blue lips from Amsterdam
Are you wearing a spacesuit?
Good that makes two of us
Because I'm an astronaut and
My mission is to explore Uranus
WHEN ALBERT EINSTEIN
When Albert Einstein
Tugged on his penis
It was widely regarded
As a stroke of genius
WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND SUGGESTED # 3
When my girlfriend suggested
We play Doctors and Nurses
I was up for it even when
She told me about the role reverses
But when I dressed up in a uniform
With a starched white apron
She buggered off to play
Eighteen holes with a surgeon
THEY SAY THAT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
They say that the love of your life
Will only come into view
When you’re not really looking
Which for me was certainly true
Unfortunately when we met
I was texting as I drove my Rover
Just as she crossed the road
Which is why I ran her over
PICKUP # 8
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
But if your tastes are unusual
Don’t be shy about it
Don’t beat about the bush
Just come right out with it
Say “I'd suck a fart out of your ***
And hold it like a bong hit”
I WAS CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING
I was caught shoplifting
Form the Apple store
It was my first offence
I’d not done it before
They didn’t prosecute
I got lucky clearly
Although I think it was
Only Scrumping really
THE BANK OF ENGLAND ANNOUNCED
The Bank of England Announced
In an article they wrote
Jane Austen Will appear
On the new ten pound note
I don’t like to put a damper
On the decision but you see
This decision means that
She will be the “Tenner” Lady
ARE YOU WEARING BLUE LIPSTICK?
Are you wearing blue lipstick?
Then you must be a Dutch chick
Because I’ve heard the song Ma’am
About blue lips from Amsterdam