Cancer's Veil

[virtuoso]

Carcinoma, melanoma sick twins,
inside their innocuous hosts grin,
for surface tension brings no chagrin,
another, common diagnosis time will lend,
healthy cell structures to amend,
immune systems with guile befriend
In state of denial, journey begins,
signs not to the human eye hidden,
but worry has healthy mind forbidden
Asbestos, carbon dioxide, dioxin,
immune filters will certainly fend
Smoking, over eating, years of gin,
only near life's end, wages will append
Per chance, through a pore seeps a pathogen,
to rally antibody troops, always an antigen
discolored figment under skin
bright pigment, from allergen
a red rash can dry with benzine
yellowish splotch, need carotene
brownish bump, harmless toxin
black mole, surely of genetic origin
benign cyst, lacking a needed vitamin
purplish lesion, can cure with Neosporin
small lump, only a gland that's swollen
goiter, rarely takes malignant spin

[blank|verse]

A few lines into this, I thought what the thuddingly predictable rhyming form reminded me of...

This... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2kyNbZc7oc)

or this... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlHytkZkh3E)

except nowhere near as good, obviously. And now I can't help but rap the poem while throwing my hands and arms across my body and pretending I'm a historical figure.

But the more serious point is your insistence on rhyme, regardless of rhythm or syntax, undermines the poem because of the comical tone it establishes, which is wholly incongruent with the subject.

You've made some pertinent comments about other people's poems, virtuoso, yet - with respect - the internal editor seems to be on a permanent tea-break when you come to write your own.

[Delta40]

Mcgonagall is calling...

[virtuoso]

Thanks for stopping by, blank verse. What is good for the goose is good for the gander, I guess! I wrote this poem a while back. I agee the rhyme is a bit smarmy and a little too quaint for most. I encourage you to comment on some of my non-rhyming poems.

[virtuoso]

Thanks for the pithy, witty rejoinder, Delta 40! Comic relief is always welcome here!