Dogwoman, or The Collection.

[quidoftullamore]

.............

[quidoftullamore]

I appreciate any sort of feedback. :)

[cafolini]

Well written. One possible interpretation is that as the dream ends, or continues, he doesn't know what to do with the leftover.

[AuntShecky]

The stylistic flaws in the writing detract from what could have been an engaging story.

Right off the bat, the reader is put-off by the jumbled appearance on the virtual "page." Next time please skip a space between paragraphs; also remember to begin a new paragraph with each change of speaker.

Start your story in medias res. Try to "hook" the reader in the very first sentence. Instead of putting the jeep on the road, open by showing the four would-be vandals already in the act of pillaging the woman's yard.

Scrupulous editing could have made this story half its length, and thus more effective. The biggest flaw in your writing is that there is too much extraneous material-- descriptions that are unnecessary, as well as space-wasting words. For instance:
"the sky was still the darkened orange hue of dusk" You can stay the exact thing in four words: "The dusk glowed dark-orange."
"It began to sound a raspy growl."> "The dog growled."

Instead of nothing phrases such as "known as" or "called by," just give the name of the thing. Speaking of names, you go through an elaborate rigmarole as to the respective reasons for the names of two of the boys, Red and The Jew, although these two have no real function in the plot of the story; they're like potted plants. Yet you didn't names for the driver, and the name of the all-important protagonist seems to have slipped your mind! Consequently, we have truly awkward constructions as:

"The underarms of the boy with the thick glasses' shirt were damp with sweat." More simply put: "[Name] had sweaty armpits."

Misplaced modifiers are a further distraction. Make sure your appositives and participles are close to the nouns which they are intended to describe. For instance, Smoker's Road is "lighting firecrackers"; the cigarette paper l"ooked like garlic bulbs," and the nocturnal insects were "each ill at ease, not knowing why."

Learn to proofread in order to catch careless errors,such as misspellings and omitting articles such as "a" and "an." Avoid cliches "blood boiling," "mouth agape," "intense gaze affixed." Watch out for using the wrong word: "parameters" when you mean "perimeters," "primordial" when you mean "primitive."

Like anything else, an effective writing style can be learned. You can acquire better skills with practice, but at the same time read a variety of good writing styles, which, by the process of osmosis you will start unconsciously emulating over time.