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View Full Version : The Subconsciousness



er111a
07-19-2013, 04:38 AM
There I stood, motionless, face to face with the shadowy fiend within my inner subconscious. Its radiant bloodshot eyes burn a hole within the inner fragments of my soul with every passing day. It is no surprise that I have grown frail within from my decomposing brain to my brittle bones. It is the foggy nightmare that will not go away and the foulest part is that all it wants is oozing red blood. This demon breathes inside me, it is something I cannot get rid of because it is me and all it wants is to be freed.

I am unable to recollect how long it has lingered inside my innermost depths; however, I have concluded that it has most likely been there since birth. The mere thought that I didn't realize it was inside me sooner still shocks me to this day. I sometimes to this day still wonder if I discovered it sooner when it was still weak and confused could I have stopped it. Is it possible that I could have stopped all of this from ever happening? I still reminisce the time when I first came across it; it actually had the audacity to demand my friendship and I foolishly accepted it.

The recollection is in reality nothing more than a dream; it is the only time the demon is able to influence and haunt. It is able to construct the dreams into whatsoever it desires because when I pass out I go into its world. Such as the day that it acknowledged my existence in its realm because the day that I encountered it was no doubt the first time I had entered its world of confusion and impulsiveness. Maybe it was just afraid or maybe it was just waiting, whatever the circumstances for why it waited, I will never forget the first time those eyes met mine. No matter what physique it chooses to take those golden yellow cat eyes that always seem to stay bloodshot never change with each new creation.

However, for this specific encounter it had picked something serene and heavenly; for it must have recognized that to not alert the tame alarms within it would have to deceitfully appear as nonthreatening as possible. It did it spotlessly; I never suspected a thing, for what did I have to distress over within my very own dreams after having closed my eyes like any time before. Naïve was I to fathom that a heavenly figure with those eyes could ever do any mischief. It had golden wings that had been attached to a human back and its skin appeared to burn in the night that surrounded it. At the time I was dumbfounded by the magnificence of such a creature.

Its excellence continued as it dazzled with its numerous tricks within the gloomy night sky with glittering stars that it had chosen for this encounter. Then just like that, without any signaling, it propelled itself to the ground and land with a blast of wind that nearly pushed me off my feet. There it stood, wings tucked to its side, a mere couple inches away from my face that I could only guess showed aguish. Indeed, I will confess that I was terrified; however, it did a great job because I could not see a hint of evil at all within the eyes or anything else about it.

Time seemed to freeze like the lake does outside my house every winter. Who knows for sure how long we stood there without stirring the airborne smut still plummeting ever so slowly in between our intense stares. The only thing that appeared to be capable of shattering me from this trance was the realization that this creatures breath was now coming from its mouth ever more rapidly; I could observe it ever so vividly in this icy dream because it shown like a haze. It was undertaking what individuals have notoriously known how to accomplish for an extensive time. It was speaking to me and it was time to heed to what this creature had to say.

I permitted my ears to concentrate on the prompt undertaking of its rosy moist lips and was dumbfounded to discover that it was saying not whatsoever at all. It was an unearthing that not any one might have ever foretold had I not witnessed it with my currently bulging eyes. This creature interconnected with me only in such a matter that it could only be pronounced in such a way as it talking to me in my innermost thoughts. I feel remorse that only I could possess the talent of being able to communicate with it. Nevertheless, need as it be, I used the capability to tune in on what it had to say and this is where I committed my first major mistake. It had tested and examined my stature up until this point that it had questioned for my hand in friendship. I was hesitant as I stretched out for its hand and allowed are hands to take hold of each other into a death grip of a handshake. This insignificant symbol of a friendship would be my collapse because this was the beginning of an exploding star; it was putting its blueprints into action. At that instant I sensed a tingling perception travel up my limb and spread to the shadiest depths of my body. Everything departed into a spiral of darkness and I lost all consciousness of this world.
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Just some thoughts would be appreciated! :)

er111a
08-10-2013, 02:11 AM
anyone...?

glenn84
08-10-2013, 05:24 PM
The story was good. I read it until the very end. There were some grammar mistakes that I caught. You use "land" instead of "landed" in the third to last paragraph. "Are" instead of "our." I'm guessing "aguish" is supposed to be "anguish?" The first sentence in the last paragraph, because of its length, can be broken up using commas, "saying not whatsoever at all" doesn't make sense, I'm guessing you meant to write "saying nothing whatsoever." The "at all" in that sentence is filtering, you don't need it. Take your time and go over it a few times and you'll get better at catching the grammar mistakes. Do a Google search for "grammar check" and you'll find plenty of websites that can check the grammar of your writing simply by pasting your work onto their page and clicking a button. And most important of all keep writing!