Eclipse

[Lykren]

Not anywhere
there are eyes -

but an eclipse
traveling

snaps shut:
accomplishes

itself.

[blank|verse]

I'm a sucker for short poems, Lykren, and this is promising. The editor in me wants to tighten it even more, to something like:

Eclipse

Nowhere
eyes are

an eclipse
snaps shut:

accomplishes
itself.

But I also think it needs something more, to suggest that the poem is working on a metaphorical level perhaps. It also highlights how weak the last stanza is; every word has to earn its place in any poem - but doubly so in poems as short as this.

[virtuoso]

The eyes are incognito wearing a sun dress!