Pilbara Bipolar

[Delta40]

Those long dusty tracks
that stretch for weeks.
They get you singing to the straight and narrow
aiming for the distant burnt horizon.
No matter that the searing heat
leaves us as parched as the red earth,
You know I'm a committed cycler.

Damn! Here comes a bend,
in the road,
in my thoughts.
Those white lines could take us anywhere.

After all, who knows what lurks around the corner
So I ring my bell and know it's time
to go off the beaten track because
I've always been a rapid pedaller.

Hey, life is a perilous journey
full of alternatives.
You honk about sticking to what we know
(the tedious straight and narrow)
But truth be told,
we can't always see what's ahead of us.
Is it an oasis?
or maybe a mindblowing mirage?
Sometimes, we just have to go round the bend anyway.

[symphony]

I loved the idea and how you started the poem. Clever. I just kind of lost the awe in the 2nd stanza, though. I thought the first 3 lines of S2 weren't really necessary. Same goes with several parts of the next stanzas that I couldn't quite pinpoint, but felt like they could be more expressive by saying a little less.

[Delta40]

Thanks for your feedback symphony. How would you see it being improved?

[Delta40]

Anybody else want to give me further clarification on this piece. the reason why I ask is because I am bipolar and I can't hide behind a medical diagnosis but as a writer, I'd sure appreciate some help when it comes to artistic expression because I still strive to improve.

Thanks x

[symphony]

Hey Delta, I thought it could be better if trimmed down a little bit. I'm not saying this is it, but just for example:

Those long dusty tracks
that stretch for weeks.
They get you singing to the straight and narrow
aiming for the distant burnt horizon.
No matter that the searing heat
leaves us as parched as the red earth,
You know I'm a committed cycler.

After all, who knows what lurks around a bend?
Those white lines could take us anywhere.

So I ring my bell and know it's time
to go off the beaten track.
You see, I've always been a rapid pedaller.

Hey, life is a perilous journey
full of alternatives.
You honk about sticking to what we know
(the tedious straight and narrow).
But truth be told,
we just have to go round the bend anyway.

[Delta40]

thanks symphony. Good idea.

[angliholic]

The title is intriguing as your poem.
And you expressed truth in life in it in a wise way.
Loved it

[Delta40]

Thanks angliholic!