PDA

View Full Version : I Am Ugly



Showkat
06-26-2013, 09:05 AM
I woke up at 7am as usual, washed my face and drank the tea. At 9 I started to prepare myself for the school which was about a km from my home. I put on my uniform, looked in the mirror, oiled my hair and massaged my face. I put on the shoes and left for the school very confidently. I was confident of being good looking and having a good appearance. I would think myself the smartest boy in the Mohalla (street) as well as in my school. I was the most cheerful boy and the most confident.
After reaching the school we were assembled for the morning assembly in the school compound. That was also a prayer time for us and we prayed the most popular prayer of those days ’’khudaya mujay neik ladka banaday’’, (O God make me a virtuous child).
After the prayer we were allowed to enter the classrooms. We were in the classroom waiting for our farm teacher. In the mean time I started to talk with one of my classmates. He was very rough and rude. The students of the whole school disliked him for his rudeness and his misbehaviour towards them. He would always tease the other students and would call bad names. Internally I was very afraid of him because he was also a worst critic. But he himself approached to me and began to talk. His teeth were very little and were not clearly visible. Most of the students would call him an 80 year old man in his absence. But I would never call him an 80 year old man, because I thought it not good. We had a very sweet discussion on different things. But suddenly he changed his topic. He paused and started to stare at me. I got confused and asked him the reason for staring like that. He smiled venomously and said,’ your nose is like that of a beak of vulture and your back is like that of a camel, ha ha ha’’. That drained the colour of my face and brought tears into my eyes. I thought that the students were right in calling him an 80 year old man. Though I was not happy with him but I did not make him feel so. I smiled at him outwardly but inwardly my heart was weeping. I condemned myself for talking with him. Most of the students would not talk to him. But the blunder which I committed bore a bitter fruit for me. I could not forget his venomous comment on my physical appearance. ‘’Why did he laugh at my nose scornfully? Is my nose really like that of a vulture’s beak and long that of Ramdin, a fictitious character who had a very long and ugly nose and am I very ugly? Perhaps I am, yes I am physically inferior and I am untouchable,’’ I started to think. Whole day I could not grasp what the teachers taught.
At 4pm when the school was off, I went straight to my home all alone heartbroken. While walking I only thought over the incident which happened with me in the school. As I reached my home, I entered the living room and looked into the mirror where I saw my nose really very long and ugly like a vulture’s beak. Before it I had never looked at myself like that. I started to beat my nose to shorten it and make it straight but it could not. I even forgot to take evening tea.
My mother called me from the kitchen and told me to have a tea. I was still looking at my nose in the mirror and was crying. My mother again called me. I yelled at her and replied that I was coming. I was angry with myself and with my God. I descended the stairs and entered the kitchen where my mother and my brothers were taking the tea. My brothers finished taking the tea and went out. There left only me and my mother in the kitchen. She was cooking something on the hearth. I mustered the courage and told her,’’ is my nose ugly and long?’’ she smiled and told me that I was the most handsome boy and my nose was beautiful. But I knew that every child is fair and handsome for their parents. How could she say that I was ugly? I could not stop thinking about my ugly nose.
My world changed, my life changed and my mentality changed. I was innocent but I lost my innocence. I had peace of mind but I lost that. I was handsome but I was said that I am ugly. I lost the taste of life. The world was beautiful for me but now it was ugly. Every time I would think about my nose and would ask everybody how my nose was? Some people would console me and some would pass worst comments. I suffered very much and would think about my physical inferiority always. I lost social contact because I turned into a shy boy by considering myself inferior to others. I was ashamed of my physical inferiority and would feel shy in talking to others. I would think that the world is meant only for the fair ones and not for the ugly ones. The ugly people are everywhere ignored and preference is given to the fair ones. Perhaps I was wrong; perhaps I destroyed myself by thinking so. But I kept aloof myself from the society by considering myself physically inferior. I did not look at my neighbour who was without nose and one of my relatives whose back was bent even in his prime youth. They did not bother about that and lived a confident life. I listened to the mean people who lacked the human feelings and did not listen to my mother and my well wishers. Thus I destroyed myself by thinking what I was not.

CptnFut
06-26-2013, 12:21 PM
I'm not very good at writing myself. That being said I thought I was good minus some grammar mistakes.

Showkat
06-26-2013, 09:54 PM
Thank you. I have changed the title of the story from ''i am ugly'' to '' was i ugly?''

cafolini
06-26-2013, 10:59 PM
Great. The other was an ambiguous irony. This one openly calls for an unequivocal judgment.

Showkat
06-27-2013, 08:38 AM
Thank you madam very much. Wished you could edit this piece also.

AuntShecky
06-28-2013, 06:08 PM
Resist the urge to begin a story with the protagonist's getting up in the morning. Likewise avoid long strings of sentences with the same structure. Instead put various types in the mix (compound, complex, compound-complex among the basic simple sentence structure); this will make your prose less montonous as well as providing an opportunity for cadence, rhythm, and pacing for a more dramatic effect. It's probably not a good practice to begin so many sentences with the same word, in this case, "I."

In my opinion, the theme of this piece is heartfelt and affecting, but it would pack a greater emotional punch with more details (such as the opening school hymn) and subtlety. Dialogue goes a long way to that aim. In other words, less "telling," more "showing."


You certainly should continue trying to write fiction, but you will need to make a commitment to improve. The first step is to spend more time reading than writing. If you read a great number of modern and contemporary short stories, you will eventually have an idea of how to construct a good story.

PS-- Next time don't forget to skip a space between paragraphs. That includes starting a new paragraph with each change of speaker.

XaSp18
07-02-2013, 08:21 AM
:) loving this one

Showkat
07-02-2013, 09:34 AM
Thank you everybody for your suggestions.

Showkat
07-10-2013, 07:07 AM
Thank you madam very much. I will try my best to act upon your suggestions.