wprim1
06-25-2013, 08:53 AM
i sat there in my hospital bed hunched over rocking back and forward, over and over again. i did this to sooth my stomach, so it wouldn't get angry again and make me vomit up the nothingness i had been surviving on for the last 3 months. after a hour or so of rocking i went into a trance.
a trance of deep thought. i had never been so deep in my mind before, ye it was so quiet. i saw a young boy yelling in the distance of the misty darkness.
it wasnt a cry for help or for laughter, it wasnt even a cry for pain. He was screaming and sobbing because, he was defeated by the one thing that could beat him, cancer. he had been in recovery for 2 weeks now, but he had given up long before that. he never gave himself a fighting chance to live again, to get back into the light he once was from. i watchd him for hours suffering, in torment waiting for when that final moment would come so it could all be over.
it never came. i never waited around long enough to see wether he finally went in peace. i kept walking on into the silouhette of the misty darkness. for hours on end i walked and walked. i soon felt a warmth growing, a thick stench of sweat accumulating. i walked further forwards away from were i once began. i then could make out a wide tall muscular figure in the distance. he was huffing and puffing, having a rest i guess, looking at himself in the reflection of the pool he had created with his own sweat. each ripple representing his heart beat. "hello" i said, just barely making the words out of my mouth because of my lack of courage to talk to this person. he looked at me, then my heart started to really pound. his vains throbbing violently as if they were in sync with mine. he then ran off before talking to me or before i had the chance to say anything more.
i stayed in this silhouette of suspense not knowing what would appear next. nothing ever did of course, so i started to think who those two people were, i know that i had seen them before. i came to the realisation that they were me, both of them were the same person but different decisions made. one represented me if i gave up the battle for my life and kept on going down the same road i am on now, and the other represented me if i was to fight back and rise up back into the light i was once the creator of. i soon came back to reality, realising that nothing had changed, i was still in hospital with a cancer that no one has ever survived from, being treated by things that are at the same time killing me, and not to mention i am basically a pile barely skin and bones that can barely make it down the hallway with out my wheel chair.
i soon was awaken back into what i could of it was the real world, being shaken by a nurse that was yelling at me. " wake up, talk to me" she was saying. i grabbed her arms and said to her " what are you doing?"
she replied " you were rocking back and forward really fast and hard, whilst talking to yourself, so i was trying to wake you".
i calmed down and soon realised i was in the normal world now, so there was nothing to be panicing about. the nurse then took my temperature and blood pressure and was then leaving, i told her to wait a second.
i asked her " do you think i will survive this?"
she looked at me, as if she was looking at a new person, a person who had just given birth to a new hope, a person who wasn't going to give up anymore and actually fight back.
she sat down next to me and said listen very carefully,
"live by this, the journey to greatness or any successful journey begins with YOU deciding to want to go and take it and claim it as yours. but if you think you are beaten then you are, you think you wont win then you wont, if you think you will lose you are lost, for out in the world we find success begins with a fellows will, it's all in the state of mind."
i looked at her, into her dark eyes and noticing bright luminescent lights flickering like stars, clusters of stars, a whole galaxy of them. she then disappeared in a puff of smoke and then everything went dark. i suddenly woke, hunched over in the exact position i was in before i fell asleep. but i felt different, like a new person, like i had finally gotten on the right track to get out of here rocking
a trance of deep thought. i had never been so deep in my mind before, ye it was so quiet. i saw a young boy yelling in the distance of the misty darkness.
it wasnt a cry for help or for laughter, it wasnt even a cry for pain. He was screaming and sobbing because, he was defeated by the one thing that could beat him, cancer. he had been in recovery for 2 weeks now, but he had given up long before that. he never gave himself a fighting chance to live again, to get back into the light he once was from. i watchd him for hours suffering, in torment waiting for when that final moment would come so it could all be over.
it never came. i never waited around long enough to see wether he finally went in peace. i kept walking on into the silouhette of the misty darkness. for hours on end i walked and walked. i soon felt a warmth growing, a thick stench of sweat accumulating. i walked further forwards away from were i once began. i then could make out a wide tall muscular figure in the distance. he was huffing and puffing, having a rest i guess, looking at himself in the reflection of the pool he had created with his own sweat. each ripple representing his heart beat. "hello" i said, just barely making the words out of my mouth because of my lack of courage to talk to this person. he looked at me, then my heart started to really pound. his vains throbbing violently as if they were in sync with mine. he then ran off before talking to me or before i had the chance to say anything more.
i stayed in this silhouette of suspense not knowing what would appear next. nothing ever did of course, so i started to think who those two people were, i know that i had seen them before. i came to the realisation that they were me, both of them were the same person but different decisions made. one represented me if i gave up the battle for my life and kept on going down the same road i am on now, and the other represented me if i was to fight back and rise up back into the light i was once the creator of. i soon came back to reality, realising that nothing had changed, i was still in hospital with a cancer that no one has ever survived from, being treated by things that are at the same time killing me, and not to mention i am basically a pile barely skin and bones that can barely make it down the hallway with out my wheel chair.
i soon was awaken back into what i could of it was the real world, being shaken by a nurse that was yelling at me. " wake up, talk to me" she was saying. i grabbed her arms and said to her " what are you doing?"
she replied " you were rocking back and forward really fast and hard, whilst talking to yourself, so i was trying to wake you".
i calmed down and soon realised i was in the normal world now, so there was nothing to be panicing about. the nurse then took my temperature and blood pressure and was then leaving, i told her to wait a second.
i asked her " do you think i will survive this?"
she looked at me, as if she was looking at a new person, a person who had just given birth to a new hope, a person who wasn't going to give up anymore and actually fight back.
she sat down next to me and said listen very carefully,
"live by this, the journey to greatness or any successful journey begins with YOU deciding to want to go and take it and claim it as yours. but if you think you are beaten then you are, you think you wont win then you wont, if you think you will lose you are lost, for out in the world we find success begins with a fellows will, it's all in the state of mind."
i looked at her, into her dark eyes and noticing bright luminescent lights flickering like stars, clusters of stars, a whole galaxy of them. she then disappeared in a puff of smoke and then everything went dark. i suddenly woke, hunched over in the exact position i was in before i fell asleep. but i felt different, like a new person, like i had finally gotten on the right track to get out of here rocking