A Sweeping Tide

[The Duke]

A tide is sweeping
Across my heart
A tide is sweeping
I have become lost

Flesh and bone I wash away
You sit and watch me deteriorate
Where was I before the storm
Where were you during the calm

I choke as the hurricane grows
Deep in my throat I will never know
So row away in abrupt
And one day I hope your storm will cross

A tide will sweep your aching heart.

[Delta40]

I'd rather you wrote:

You must sit and watch me deteriorate.


I choke as the hurricane grows would be better written as if the hurricane chokes/swallows you up. I think with a little rework, the poem could be active in what is happening rather than you telling us if that makes sense.