futuristic

[cacian]

in a word
or two
i can sum up
you
simple fits you
clever dreams you
and honest tests you
but in a day
or two
i can only
view
that to future
may due
a truthful
you
time to a perfect
few is an image of
you

[Lokasenna]

The first four lines are actually rather good. The rest, sadly, is your usual fare. Cut everything except those first four lines, and you have a rather witty and meaningful minature vignette.

[cacian]

The first four lines are actually rather good. The rest, sadly, is your usual fare. Cut everything except those first four lines, and you have a rather witty and meaningful minature vignette.

Loka thank you very much for reading and commenting.
so it would rather look like this if I cut it

in a word
or two
i can sum up
you

rather short for my liking:)

[Lokasenna]

Loka thank you very much for reading and commenting.
so it would rather look like this if I cut it

in a word
or two
I can sum up
you

rather short for my liking:)

It may be short, but short poetry can be effective. I think that works rather well. I would also keep the lower-case 'I' pronoun from the first version - somehow, that adds to the overall effect.