De-scent

[Delta40]

Skinny, hollow promises
Scattered about by the wind.
Captured
for a moment
in the wild thorn bush
that shakes away the powdery residue
of your lavender,
that kept me calm,
that kept me believing a bit longer.

[Hawkman]

I knew there was something about this that wasn't quite right. It's a grammatical thing regarding restrictive and non-restrictive relative clauses involving 'that' and 'which'. It depends really on how you want the last three lines to be read.

if you are saying: "...your lavender that kept me calm..." then its a restrictive relative clause and doesn't need a comma after lavender.

If however, you are saying: "...your lavender, which kept me calm..." then the comma is required and you should use which.

The overall sense of the piece might be improved with a minor edit:

"Skinny, hollow promises
are scattered about by the wind,
and captured
for a moment
in the wild thorn bush
that shakes away the powdery residue
of your lavender
that kept me calm;
kept me believing a bit longer."

but "your lavender that kept me calm" doesn't read well, it might be better with just lavender, although there is a detraction from the meaning. However, I think there is sufficient implication in "hollow promises" to give the metaphor sufficient body, although the 'other' becomes less specific, so the hollow promises are generalised. To keep the 'other', you might try:

"Skinny, hollow promises
are scattered about by the wind
and captured
for a moment
in the wild thorn bush
that shakes away the powdery residue
of your lavender,
which kept me calm;
kept me believing a bit longer."

(my preferred option)

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Thanks Hawk. I have never been successful with semi colons!