Haiku Rendezveaux: Add your own haikus!

[virtuoso]

Haiku 24

maitre bee swoops down
snips pollen from stamen head
sips frothy nectar


Haiku 5

a day has now passed
death's chilling pall hovers on
rigor mortis spills



Haiku 6


the die is now cast
death's shadow blots two through six
night is day is night




Haiku 8


lubed flesh marinates
ocean spray greases white skin
sunbaked bodies steam

[Jassy Melson]

Vivid imagery. These are successful haiku because they follow the haiku form and subject matter.

[Calidore]

1) I like the pun "maitre bee", and also "frothy nectar". If you're a bee, carbonated, slightly fermented nectar is probably just the thing for a good buzz.

2) #8 uses "flesh" twice; you may want to change one to something non-repetitive.

3) #5: It's "rigor mortis", just FYI.

[virtuoso]

Thanks for the suggestions, Calidore. Rigamortis was in the medical dictionary, but it is rarely used, so I changed the spelling to the common form of the word. I agree that using the word "flesh" twice in such a short poem is redundant. I have changed one of the words to skin. Thanks for your helpful suggestions and kind comments.

[virtuoso]

Thanks for your kind comments, Jassy Melson. Join in, and submit some of your own. I would love to read them.

[Jassy Melson]

I have some haiku posted on here, but I can't remember exactly when I posted them.

[virtuoso]

I will try and look them up, Jassy. Would love to read them.

[Calidore]

You might also like this thread, which has been quiet for a while.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?1375-Shared-HAIKU-!-Join-in-it-s-fun!

[virtuoso]

Thanks for the suggestion, Calidore. I will look up the thread.