Sleep - Can anyone critique my poem for me?

[Rei Abe]

Sleep
S l o w l y breathing in and out.
Laying like a log looking at the ceiling.
Thoughts are like a swarm of mosquitos-
Incessant and uncontrollable.
Like a predator stalking its prey,
silence starts sneaking in .
The mind becomes peaceful as a meadow,
clear as a river,
calm as a lake freshly awake, shining in the morning sun
Worries and doubts wash away,
disappearing into the abyss of my mind
Fade into the black of night
Sleep

What do you guys/girls think? Thanks :)

[virtuoso]

I like the way you graft in the descriptive similes. Is the predator that is stalking the prey your thoughts, or the silence honing in on your mind? You have a comma at the end of the line, linking prey with the line that brings in silence. Your thoughts are presumably the stalker. I like the transition from the restive moments to the calm, peaceful moments.