The Blindfold

[Lykren]

Hand me the blindfold,
I want to live.

You have to have an ear
for sniffing out loveliness,
blue seashells in the thick
rainbow mire.

Come here,
where there's light
and something sad.

"Anybody will say
anything for hope."
Any old luckless you.

But now we may claim
a little more than is our due,
one hundred suns. Two hands.

Immeasurable music.

[blank|verse]

Another intriguing poem, Lykren, which seems to speak of how being deprived of something (here a sense) makes us more sensitive to other things; however, it's a poem rife with paradoxes, or contradictions.

For example, the narrator ‘wants to live’ by being deprived of sight; then says you need an ‘ear’ for ‘sniffing out’ - an ear for sniffing?; then we have two references to colours – ‘blue’ and ‘rainbow’ which the blindfolded narrator wouldn’t be able to see. (And the phrase ‘have to have’ reads a little clumsily – ‘must have’, ‘need to have’, or just ‘need’?)

The third stanza is a bit weak, because the ‘something sad’ is too generalised to carry any emotional weight. Likewise, at the end of the poem, ‘immeasurable music’ is a fine phrase in itself, but could have been improved if the rest of the poem made that phrase its inevitable conclusion.

The poem contains references to all the senses (if you count the reference to ‘hands’ as ‘touch’) apart from taste, although I’m not sure how deliberate that is. It might be good to include them all in this poem. But I do think – like other poems of yours – they’re intriguing and intelligent, but I always find little niggles and flaws where I start to question whether these are intentional, or symptomatic of a lack of control. The poem shows a great imagination, and an engagement with underlying thought being expressed, but I always feel greater clarity would help.

[Lykren]

I'm not sure about the phrase 'somethimg sad' myself, but won't change it because I'm not uncertain enough to hate it entirely.

I'd like to thank you for putting time into your comments, as well as for the encouragement. Thank you, blankverse. :)