A Late Return to the Screen

[Silas Thorne]

The once-failed actor starts to move,
and now his ghost can partly prove
that eyes with long-abandoned will
can twinkle, still.

[Hawkman]

Not sure I understand why you've split the first line of what should be a quatrain; possibly for the same reason that you've truncated the final line... I keep looking for another 4 syllables. Whereas I think the last line works as is, I'm not sure I agree with the line break.

Regardless, it's a fun little verse.

Live and be well - H

[Silas Thorne]

Thanks for your advice on this one, Hawkman. I have rethought the first line, but have chosen to keep the last line as is.

[cafolini]

Good meaning. No one is a failure because he/she fails.

[AuntShecky]

The "what"of the piece is fine: a clever take on an actor's comeback, but the "how" falls a little short. In rhymed verse, the meter is (usually) uniform with the lines and stresses matching up. Of course, there are exceptions, notably Ogden Nash.

[Melanie]

Thanks for your advice on this one, Hawkman. I have rethought the first line, but have chosen to keep the last line as is.
I'm glad you kept the last line as is. I quite like an abbreviated ending...short and to the point like "done." No matter if it's poetically correct or not. You have artistic license to do with what is best for your poem. I like it. May I ask what actor you speak of?...or shall it remain a mystery?

[Silas Thorne]

The "what"of the piece is fine: a clever take on an actor's comeback, but the "how" falls a little short. In rhymed verse, the meter is (usually) uniform with the lines and stresses matching up. Of course, there are exceptions, notably Ogden Nash.

Thanks for dropping by and commenting on this one, AuntShecky. Yes, I am aware of this stylistic matter and I agree that yes, rhymed verse is not usually like this. But even though it appears that I have irritated Hawkman's and your own stylistic expectations with this one, I still rather like it, and think the lines flow well... as a piece of short light verse. Next time I might write something a bit more structured though.
I love Ogden Nash, particularly his 'Custard the Dragon' ballad and his poem entitled 'To a small boy standing on my shoes while I am wearing them.'

Thanks too cafolini with your comment. Yes, I was writing of a temporary nature of failure. Sometimes people aren't physically around to enjoy the fame they later receive, and their relatives get the fame.

[Silas Thorne]

Oh, Melanie, thanks for the comment, which I just missed. I just think the rhythm works for me, and I wanted to draw attention to the final words.

It's no person in particular, but a statement on the temporal nature of fame, and 'fashions' of popularity. 'In strange aeons even death may die,' and all that. ;)