Simple Things

[Lykren]

Oh, the simple things. Like rain,
which is complicated in the way it falls,
drop by drop, pattern by pattern,
eliminating faithlessness, and leaving no liminal areas.
Eve's first son, too, was a mixed affair,
and the new-born sea that followed
adopted the trend of blessings
being given disastrous influence.

So now, when the moon glows,
and I'm drunk with longing,
I await your cartwheel
with something less
than finely-controlled expression
of what is.

[blank|verse]

This has been sorely overlooked, Lykren. It's 14 lines long, and is broken like a sonnet...

The poem seems to express a paradox of some ‘simple things’ being more complex than we might presume - ‘rain’ for example, which is actually ‘complicated'... although falling in 'patterns' allows for simple interpretation (and rain falls at random, anyway – it is 'complicated in the way it falls' as you say), which causes ambiguity and a bit of confusion.

There are biblical allusions throughout – the rain 'eliminating faithlessness' evokes the great flood; and the mention of ‘Eve’, of course. The final three lines of the octave sound like they also have religious bearing, but I must admit my knowledge of the Bible is too limited to say what.

That’s certainly some volta – although perhaps too much, as it’s hard to say exactly what or who is being ‘longed for’ (and why) – the religious connotations suggest it could be God; or possibly a lover, to make simple again the simple-things-which-are-actually-complicated. I think the poetry of the sestet falters though; it feels like you’ve stretched it just to make up the 14 lines, rather than concentrating on making each line count.

So, overall it feels as if more clarity would make the poem more convincing. But that balance between being clear without being obvious, being abstract without being impenetrable is one of the most difficult things to achieve in poetry, I would say.

[Lykren]

Thank you for your comment, bv. I hadn't realized this was fourteen lines, actually.

My poetry is in an abstract phase right now, as you've noticed. I'm curious to se what you think when it enters one of its (usually brief) literal phases.

My knowledge of the bible is lacking, too - I had to check to make sure that Eve's first son was in fact Cain. The 'new-born sea' is another reference to the flood, as well.

Anyway, I'm glad you got something out of this one, and I'll keep your comments in mind.