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Adolescent09
05-26-2013, 09:58 PM
"I'm back home!"
Adol09

Every day at dusk she calls,
at morn, at noon, at night,
Her daughter is her pride and joy
Ripe fruit of labor, heart of life
The phone now rings, she speaks,
"How old is James? So tall now!
Is Suzie eating well?
How is Charles? How are you all?
Are you happy? Pray tell!"
The answer at the other end
after three short rings
swells from the mother's heart
to ears, from thuds of love
so deafening!
"I'm back home, It's as though
I never left, the kids and Charles
are fine!..."
Mother hears this, so content
her pride blinds sight,
She did not hear the end,
She did not see...
the urn.

YesNo
05-26-2013, 11:03 PM
I like the way you set up the dialog from the mother's heart.

Delta40
05-26-2013, 11:57 PM
I like the sentiment but it loses structure

symphony
05-27-2013, 12:13 AM
I feel like I want more of the conversation than the explanation.

kittypaws
05-27-2013, 01:31 AM
Who is in the urn?

Haunted
05-28-2013, 03:16 AM
Really like the way you end it but no idea who's talking to who. Who's the "mother", is it the mother of the mother of the kids... You might want to rework it so it's less confusing.