do you offend easily?

[cacian]

for me it does depend on what the subject is and the people if it is something physical then yes maybe but generally normally not really.

[JuniperWoolf]

I'm going to guess you mean "get offended," although "do you offend others easily" might be worth answering as well.

Anyway, I really don't know if I get offended easily. I've talked to real pedophiles and holocaust deniers with a sort of detached curiosity. I can have a pleasant conversation with the scum of the earth, but there are about four issues that are ridiculously minor in comparison which can really get me worked up. It's probably because I'm selfish, the issues that make me mad are all directly relevant to my life.

Oh, and when it comes to personal attacks, I don't get offended and actually kind of like them. You hit me, I hit you, it's fun (as long as they're not taking it too seriously and getting all awkward about it). This is how I interact with my favorite friends. "Nice" people are "nice," but they're never very close to my heart.

[Scheherazade]

Very.

Rarely open my mouth and something inoffensive comes out!

[Delta40]

for me it does depend on what the subject is and the people if it is something physical then yes but generally normally not really.


OMFG! I can't believe you even asked me that!

[SilentMute]

I get offended easily, but I've learned to take a deep breath and give the other person a benefit of the doubt. People often say abominable things to you that are hurtful, and nine times out of ten, they didn't mean it that way. I can't tell you how often I think someone has written an insulting comment on one of my YouTube videos, and then it turns out they didn't mean it the way it sounded.

The internet unites people in a way they can't unite physically. You encounter people from other countries who have different ideas about etiquette. Then there is always the generation gap. I was surprised that at 38, I have already reached a point where I am shocked by the behavior of younger people. Another problem is that text does not tell you the tone. I think I read somewhere a long time ago where 90% of our cues are non-verbal in communication...so imagine the problem it creates when you can't see the other person or even hear their voice.

Particularly these days, where reality television has made many confrontational behaviors acceptable, and they are no longer considered rude. How do you know when someone calls you a b**** that they are joking, or they are being insulting? If they were physically with you, you could tell by their tone and body language. On the internet, this is impossible.

Generally, in real life, I do very well with people. However, I do think that sometimes I offend people online--and usually I didn't mean it either.

As for trolls...they seem to intentionally offend...but even with them, I've started suspecting it isn't about you. Many of them, I think, are overly impressed with profanity and think it is fun to use...or funny. Some might be frustrated people. However, I think most just think they are being funny...and they want attention. They think the best way to get it is to insult someone they think is popular.

[Jerrybaldy]

I love to be insulted in fun by people I like. I love to get a birthday card in work full of insults and piss taking. The most offensive thing is when somebody just writes happy birthday.

If somebody is being offensive to get to you then not being offended is a winning situation. But I do love friendly offensive banter. That's a friend indeed.

[Darcy88]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. With friends or family I really don't mind getting criticized or insulted. Helps keep my ego in check. But with strangers it is different. I get insulted a lot, half-wit rednecks in lifted trucks yelling at me, drunks idiots at the bar as well. In those instances it takes a tremendous amount of effort not to just straight up elbow them in the head.

[Delta40]

I get offended when Poms whinge on about this country from A to Z. They should just piss off back to their homeland. Usually I hold my nose if I have to be near them! lol

[Jerrybaldy]

Further thought... I am happy for people to offend me as I think I am a bag of crap anyway. It's trickier when they insult someone you care about. Then violence is the only answer. If you don't hit somebody at that point you then have to live with not protecting the innocent. Particularly if it's your children.

[Delta40]

I just got bagged on another forum for standing up for somebody. Noobs with degrees who think their opinion holds more value than the average Joe. Dismissed because he can't talk the talk so what does his opinion count for? to them, absolutely nothing - but they did assure him he's still a friend and he's grateful for that at least. When I said they were being disrespectful, they told me to get out of the thread.

I find that offensive.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. With friends or family I really don't mind getting criticized or insulted. Helps keep my ego in check. But with strangers it is different. I get insulted a lot, half-wit rednecks in lifted trucks yelling at me, drunks idiots at the bar as well. In those instances it takes a tremendous amount of effort not to just straight up elbow them in the head.

Is this being offended though or is it just being annoyed by idiots? I think there is a difference.

It reminds me of a similar situation when a stranger in a pub said about motorbiking (I had come to the pub on my bike and he had seen it) something along the lines of 'yes you will probably wrap yourself under a truck on your way back. Death trap.' I mean, what a prick! Do I walk up to someone in the street who is eating chips and say 'chips eh? You like chips, you will probably die of heart disease before you are 50, tut, tut?'

It is not as if I asked for this total stranger's commentary on my life...

Having said all that, I have to admit that I do get easily offended, generally, depends on the situation, but generally I might. At least I don't take well to criticism, constructive or not. I just like to be left in peace and if people disturb that then yes I might get annoyed or offended.

[Buh4Bee]

I am usually the offender. Lacking a mental filter is a handicap. Anyway, mostly I do not get offended, but I can if I feel unfairly judged or brushed aside.

[Shevek]

I'm going to guess you mean "get offended," although "do you offend others easily" might be worth answering as well.

Anyway, I really don't know if I get offended easily. I've talked to real pedophiles and holocaust deniers with a sort of detached curiosity. I can have a pleasant conversation with the scum of the earth, but there are about four issues that are ridiculously minor in comparison which can really get me worked up. It's probably because I'm selfish, the issues that make me mad are all directly relevant to my life.

Oh, and when it comes to personal attacks, I don't get offended and actually kind of like them. You hit me, I hit you, it's fun (as long as they're not taking it too seriously and getting all awkward about it). This is how I interact with my favorite friends. "Nice" people are "nice," but they're never very close to my heart.

How did you come across pedophiles? Unlike holocaust deniers, I can't imagine someone nowadays being open about their attractions towards children (with the exception of NAMBLA, which I believe is now defunct or at least inactive).

I get offended more than I would like to admit, although it's usually by strangers or people I don't know very well. It usually involves silly things. The only, I suppose significant, thing that offends me is blatantly ignorant statements about suicide. I now just ignore people who say "only weak people commit suicide because survival of the fittest, blah blah blah," but it used to be a lot harder.

[JuniperWoolf]

How did you come across pedophiles? Unlike holocaust deniers, I can't imagine someone nowadays being open about their attractions towards children.

I've talked to dozens of pedos online and one offline. Online culture is, in general, surprisingly tolerant of pedophiles (important point: AS LONG AS THEY DON'T TOUCH CHILDREN OR HAVE CHILD PORN). They do AMAs a lot. The general consensus is that pedophelia can't be helped because a person isn't able to decide who they're attracted to, so as long as they don't touch children or have child porn they're alright. Offline I used to be a bartender in a hick town, so I'd give people drinks and get to know them, and then after shift sometimes I'd drink with them some more and talk to them. I'm the type who people often feel they can tell weird **** about themselves to. Only just the one time, after a long conversation and a lot of alcohol and coaxing ("why are you so depressed all the time?"), one of my favorite regulars told me the classic pedophile story, about how he can only be attracted to children, he hates himself, his brain is broken, he often wishes he was dead, ect. He was very adamant that he would never touch a child. I felt sorry for him.

And that is the story of the only time I ever encountered a real in-the-flesh pedophile.

[OrphanPip]

I wouldn't say I get offended easily, however I do sometimes lose my temper, usually from contempt for the other rather than personal offense.

[Snowqueen]

I do get offended usually, and sometimes I don’t forgive the offender. I was not like that in the past, but I feel I have changed a lot in last 3 or 4 years or so. And my friends have also observed this change in me.

[TinyMonkey]

I do and I think I have always been. Even if I can do some derision about myself, it easily go too far for me.

[Delta40]

It was reported in our paper last week that a beloved football star was accused of calling another footballer gay but he put the record straight by stating emphatically he wasn't homophobic and didn't call the guy gay at all. He called him a fat fukc. We all breathed a sigh of relief then - who could be offended about that??? lol

[Helga]

not in general but when it's about my physical appearance. Like today I was told I'm fatter than the last time this person saw me,she didn't just say it she also used hand gestures to show me.

[Volya]

not in general but when it's about my physical appearance. Like today I was told I'm fatter than the last time this person saw me,she didn't just say it she also used hand gestures to show me.

Why is that offensive?

[JuniperWoolf]

Why is that offensive?

Hahaha, what? Alright, if you seriously don't understand why people are offended when people call them fat, you should just follow this simple rule: don't go around calling people fat. It'll make people think you're either cruel or deeply socially inept. It'll probably really hurt their feelings too.

I'm curious though, do you call people fat in casual conversation?

Volya: Hey Amy, long time no see!
Amy: Yeah Volya, you're looking good!
Volya: Yeah thanks, you've got MUCH fatter since the last time I saw you! ... Well, still working at IHOP?

[Delta40]

Better yet:

Amy: Hey Volya, long time no see!
Volya: Yeah Amy, you're looking good!
Amy: Yeah I know but man what happened to you? Your face is so pus filled and gross you've turned me off my macca's and fries!

[Darcy88]

I submitted a pic to beautifulpeople.com just to see if I would get in. I did, but two women rated me unattractive. Never been so offended in my life.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Yes Volya you've a lot to learn. When a woman asks you 'what do you think of this top/skirt? etc, etc...insert item of clothing' You say 'it looks very nice, and, you look thin in it.' No matter what you think, even if 99% of the time you haven't got a clue and didn't even realise it was new, you just repeat the words above and you will be happier for it, always punting the words 'thin, thin, thin.' The secret to an easier life, part one.

I'm not sure what beautifulpeople.com is all about (though I can gather from the name etc...) but that sounds harsh for you ha, ha.

[Darcy88]

Actually the most offended I've ever been was when the best friend of this girl I was in love with in elementary and middle school came up to me and said with a tone thick with disdain "why do you look so poor?" My family actually was poor at the time and I was really self-conscious about it. Then the girl I was in love with came up to me a short time later and said with the same tone "you live in a trailer?"

I also fly into a rage whenever someone speaks ill of my older brother.

[Delta40]

I get offended when people support under the table employment but complain about boat people taking our jobs.

[JuniperWoolf]

Actually the most offended I've ever been was when the best friend of this girl I was in love with in elementary and middle school came up to me and said with a tone thick with disdain "why do you look so poor?" My family actually was poor at the time and I was really self-conscious about it. Then the girl I was in love with came up to me a short time later and said with the same tone "you live in a trailer?"

Ouch. That reminds me of something I saw when I was little. The natives in my town tend to live on reserves, and even though most of them have heated houses and electricity (although many don't) they still like to sit out around a fire almost every night. Most of them don't have showers in their houses, there's a bathhouse style place that the community shares, so they don't have time to all pile in there and wash before school so they usually tend to smell strongly like campfire smoke. The white kids who don't know anything about how the natives live and have never been to the reserves are almost afriad to ask about why they all smell like that, but ONCE, oh, this one time...

There was this slicked-up muscular jerk named Maurice in my grade eight class, I've seen him get into physical fights because someone "disrespected" him, that kind of guy. One day, I don't know what the hell set him off, but he walked up to a shy little native named Connie and just went off on her: "Why do you indians always smell like ****? It's exactly like horse **** and smoke, don't you have baths? Why are indians always such poor, drunk, stinking losers?" And he went on, and on. I felt physical pain, this guy was huge and "popular," and little Connie was practically a mute. All she did was put her head down on her desk and stay like that for the rest of the day, none of us said a thing of course. That's one of those childhood memories I'll never forget.

[cacian]

I submitted a pic to beautifulpeople.com just to see if I would get in. I did, but two women rated me unattractive. Never been so offended in my life.

you are joking right? this sounds really desperate bad in fact to judge someone from a picture is simply sad indeed.
who rate these people beautiful anyway?

[cacian]

I'm going to guess you mean "get offended," although "do you offend others easily" might be worth answering as well.

Anyway, I really don't know if I get offended easily. I've talked to real pedophiles and holocaust deniers with a sort of detached curiosity. I can have a pleasant conversation with the scum of the earth, but there are about four issues that are ridiculously minor in comparison which can really get me worked up. It's probably because I'm selfish, the issues that make me mad are all directly relevant to my life.

Oh, and when it comes to personal attacks, I don't get offended and actually kind of like them. You hit me, I hit you, it's fun (as long as they're not taking it too seriously and getting all awkward about it). This is how I interact with my favorite friends. "Nice" people are "nice," but they're never very close to my heart.

nice people are not your kind of people do you mean?
how do you mean?
close to heart for me means friendship of a different level which is a rarity these days.

[cacian]

Actually the most offended I've ever been was when the best friend of this girl I was in love with in elementary and middle school came up to me and said with a tone thick with disdain "why do you look so poor?" My family actually was poor at the time and I was really self-conscious about it. Then the girl I was in love with came up to me a short time later and said with the same tone "you live in a trailer?"

I also fly into a rage whenever someone speaks ill of my older brother.

that is pretty bad that people view others as poor it goes to show their lack of grasp on reality and what people are about.
why would anyone speak ill of your older brother? I mean why would tell you it to you face? I would not dare do that to a sister or brother about their siblings. I guess it boils down to very bad manners.

[cacian]

I get offended easily, but I've learned to take a deep breath and give the other person a benefit of the doubt. People often say abominable things to you that are hurtful, and nine times out of ten, they didn't mean it that way. I can't tell you how often I think someone has written an insulting comment on one of my YouTube videos, and then it turns out they didn't mean it the way it sounded.
it is true on an internet site people tend come across as very different in their manners. their behavious offline is very different and that is something I do not understand .it is a mystery to me.


The internet unites people in a way they can't unite physically. You encounter people from other countries who have different ideas about etiquette. Then there is always the generation gap. I was surprised that at 38, I have already reached a point where I am shocked by the behavior of younger people. Another problem is that text does not tell you the tone. I think I read somewhere a long time ago where 90% of our cues are non-verbal in communication...so imagine the problem it creates when you can't see the other person or even hear their voice.

true but I would have thought it is more of a reason for people to realise that and make an effort to make sure they do not come cross as misunderstood.


Particularly these days, where reality television has made many confrontational behaviors acceptable, and they are no longer considered rude. How do you know when someone calls you a b**** that they are joking, or they are being insulting? If they were physically with you, you could tell by their tone and body language. On the internet, this is impossible.

modern day tv is a shamble I give you that. it is getting worse and worse I would imagine one day people will simply drift away from it because it is that bad.

Generally, in real life, I do very well with people. However, I do think that sometimes I offend people online--and usually I didn't mean it either.

As for trolls...they seem to intentionally offend...but even with them, I've started suspecting it isn't about you. Many of them, I think, are overly impressed with profanity and think it is fun to use...or funny. Some might be frustrated people. However, I think most just think they are being funny...and they want attention. They think the best way to get it is to insult someone.They think the best way to get it is to insult someone they think is popular.
troll as a tag is demeaning because more bite to it then none and it does give the internet a bad name. a bit like hooligans and football. it seems there is always to be a dissociation by association which brings reputability to a disarray/dilemma. anyway the only troll I know of is the one in ''billy goat graff'' that lives under a bridge lol

[YesNo]

anyway the only troll I know of is the one in ''billy goat graff'' that lives under a bridge lol

Over a decade ago we took vacations in the Smokey Mountains (Tennessee, USA) where one of the art stores sell small doll-like creatures made from local materials. When I hear the word "troll", these are the things I think of: http://www.trolls.com/ We have a couple on display in our home. They're a little weird, but you get used to them.

That was a good description of Maurice and Connie, JuniperWoolf. I don't think Maurice intended to give offense, but it happened anyway.

Personally, I try not to feel offended at anything even when an idiot is acting like an idiot. Feeling offended puts me in a position of weakness. When an offense is delivered, I want to be able to respond to it rationally and not emotionally. I usually throw some humor at it to see if it will go away. I also keep in mind that perhaps 5-10% of the people I interact with have some form of undiagnosed personality disorder. They're just having a bad day and taking it out on me.

We probably all give offense to others unintentionally. The people I know who are deliberately offensive seem to believe they are justified in their attempts to cause pain. They think the other person deserves it. Perhaps they think the other person offended them first. Perhaps the other person did.

[Darcy88]

Ouch. That reminds me of something I saw when I was little. The natives in my town tend to live on reserves, and even though most of them have heated houses and electricity (although many don't) they still like to sit out around a fire almost every night. Most of them don't have showers in their houses, there's a bathhouse style place that the community shares, so they don't have time to all pile in there and wash before school so they usually tend to smell strongly like campfire smoke. The white kids who don't know anything about how the natives live and have never been to the reserves are almost afriad to ask about why they all smell like that, but ONCE, oh, this one time...

There was this slicked-up muscular jerk named Maurice in my grade eight class, I've seen him get into physical fights because someone "disrespected" him, that kind of guy. One day, I don't know what the hell set him off, but he walked up to a shy little native named Connie and just went off on her: "Why do you indians always smell like ****? It's exactly like horse **** and smoke, don't you have baths? Why are indians always such poor, drunk, stinking losers?" And he went on, and on. I felt physical pain, this guy was huge and "popular," and little Connie was practically a mute. All she did was put her head down on her desk and stay like that for the rest of the day, none of us said a thing of course. That's one of those childhood memories I'll never forget.

That's really harsh. But you just know that someone that despicable is going to get their comeuppance.

[Oedipus]

I'm well aware that I deserve most insults I receive; or at least about nine hundred per day (out of twice that amount). So I can't really take too much offense.

[Melanie]

it is true on an internet site people tend come across as very different in their manners. their behavious offline is very different and that is something I do not understand .it is a mystery to me.

Those people aren't thinking about the fact that there are faces behind the names in cyber-space. And they don't think about the fact that they might be talking to a child, or a person with limiting disabilities, or a person contemplating suicide, or someone who has just been battered or abused. In person, face to face, it's very obvious immediately.

I'm not at all overly sensitive but I am sensitive so I am somewhere in-between "offended easily" and "not easily offended". Nothing is ever black and white with me :)