One, Two & Three

[Delta40]

My jesters bag rises in colour
and the bells that tinkle
when I cycle,
drown all opinion.

Pity I move so fast
past the feelings of others
like a runaway concrete mixer.

Only half of me is truly wet
while I ponder out loud,
exist in a self-made stone circle
and analyse dots that don't connect

No foundation




She didn’t think
But she liked to drink
Rhymes weren’t the way to go.
No bra strap watched her back
Or even a doll.

She didn’t thunk
They said she stunk
She wasn’t poetry in motion.
No pads when she bled
Or pants to wear.

She didn’t thank
She often sank
Into the world of words.
When she was raped
She razed her mind.




Take these stuffed bags to the tip
They’re too heavy for me to carry now.

You would have walked me down the aisle
But I need your truck instead.

All that white chiffon and lace
It floats like childish romantic dreams.

Mind the scavenging seagulls when you get there
And the awful stench of everydayness.

[Hawkman]

Hi Delta: Something of a mixed bag... I like the 1st and 3rd offerings, although in the first one, exactly what, "My jesters bag rises in colour" is intended to convey leaves me groping a bit and I'm not sure what only being half wet has to do with anything. "No foundation" tacked onto the end doesn't really achieve a great deal.

The third one is extremely well realised except for, "But I need your truck instead." it doesn't flow logically from the preceding line or lead naturally into the first line of the next stanza.

Not so keen on number 2. Thunk and stunk aren't working for me at all, I'm afraid. Overall it's too fractured for my taste, though it conveys revulsion, resentment and bitterness very effectively.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Thanks Hawk. All written on the spur of the moment I'm afraid. I agree about No. 2 but it's staying the way it came out.

[Bar22do]

Am happy to be back here for a moment again and to enjoy your poetry! I especially loved the third poem, the last line of which, incidently, explains my long absence...

Best of all as always,

Bar

[Delta40]

Bar! So lovely to hear from you again. I hope to read an expression of your long absence shortly...

[Jerrybaldy]

All of them :) BTW I just read on another thread that you are middle class. I would have swore you were with us working lot ..

[Delta40]

On earnings only. I'm poverty stricken in every other way I assure you...

[cafolini]

On earnings only. I'm poverty stricken in every other way I assure you...

LOL
How about giving me your earnings then in exchange for all my richness in everything else.

[Delta40]

LOL
How about giving me your earnings then in exchange for all my richness in everything else.

Mmm. My sense of humour is richer than yours... :-)

[Adolescent09]

I'm going to be brutally honest and if you choose to dismiss what I say so be it, but I'm not window-dressing anything as I do most of the time.

I didn't care for any of them. Word choice was weak, metaphors were either too abstract to be interpreted or simply made no sense, rhymes were forced (although I'm absolutely positive that was intentional, especially 'thunk' with 'stunk'/'thank' with 'sank', even as comedic poetry it was quite insipid). If you were aiming for humour you were nowhere near the mark and if you were bored then that is what the "write a bad poem" game was made for in this category.

[Delta40]

I'm going to be brutally honest and if you choose to dismiss what I say so be it, but I'm not window-dressing anything as I do most of the time.

Oh. Is today your day off?