Mystisnow
05-15-2013, 07:06 PM
Hello guys! This is a story that I am working on. If you guys have any comments or tips, please let me know! I want to improve this writing as best as I can! Sorry if it's terrible beyond your imagination! I'm a newbie writer, so this is probably going to be a bad piece!
Prologue
"Kaof!"
As the spell was hissed, the pack of wolves quickly dashed back into the shadows, leaving behind a wrapped bundle. A man, dressed in black leather, leaped down from the trees above. He picked it up and examined it closely.
"Hm...There he is." He chuckled. "Nice to meet you again, Jared. Azys!"
A hawk flew down from the shadows. The man held out an arm, which the hawk landed on. "Send this to Larina, and tell her to open it and to keep him safe until I arrive."
The hawk grabbed the bundle and flew off.
"I will be the one to demolish The Masked One..." The man grumbled.
Chapter 1 - A Cozy Home?
Promise me that you’ll go to Duruth.
I shall.
Will you?
Will I what?
The scene shook as a muffled cannon explosion went off.
Do not be overcome by it now! You must remember! You are Jared Viper, slayer of Zepyth, not a slave! Go to Duruth!
I…I am afraid.
Do not be scared.
I felt a mysterious warmth on my right shoulder. My left shoulder was pricked.
Go on now, warrior.
Be brave.
It began with a gasp.
I woke up in a scratchy chair, covered with rough blankets. I was sweating. It was only a dream. Where was I?
An old lady ran into the room I was in. "What happened?" She said. "Oh, you're awake."
"What - what happened? Who are you?" I asked. My voice was hoarse. I couldn't remember anything.
"I found you in my garden last night." The woman said. "Sorry, if that caused any trouble. You were passed out, and I didn't want the hounds to hurt you. No, it would be a bad situation if they took you away from me..." Her eyes glinted oddly for a second. "By the way, you can call me Ms. La."
"Thanks." I said awkwardly. I had a bad feeling about this.
"Well, I need to be tending the pot soon. Don't budge!"
The woman left the room, and I was left to myself. Immediately, I had a urge to leave. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable around the woman. Quickly, I rushed out the door.
I was surprised when I ended up outside. Tall trees surrounded me. Little bobbing lights floated around them. I wondered about them. They seemed familiar.
One of the lights dived down at me, striking my hand. A sharp pain stabbed my hand, like a needle. I gasped, swatting at the light. I examined my hands for any marks. They were slowly turning purple. Not good. Red dots started popping up where my skin was burned.
I began running back to the house, but it was gone. I hadn't wandered far from it. Where did it go? I scanned the forest. I couldn't see any signs that anything existed in the first place, except for my short trail of footprints. I was utterly confused. My hand was beginning to pulse oddly.
Where was I?
Chapter 2 - Poison
I was sitting on a rock, frowning at my hand. Everything that had touched the light was now a violet color. Angry red dots covered my skin. What was this? Some sort of fungus? A disease? Would I have to cut off my hand?
I didn't even bother looking around anymore. It was the same image, no matter what direction I looked in. Vine-covered trees and stinging lights.
Suddenly, my hand spasmed. It was shaking violently. I began to panic.
"Ah!" I yelped, standing up. The purple color was slowly spreading. It looked as if it were spreading through my veins...
Wait.
No way.
The purple was, indeed, following my veins. It was spreading through my arm, slowly. My hand turned a darker shade of purple. I sat down again on the rock, wondering how I would cut off the purple disease while keeping my arm.
I heard a whisper. It was so faint, I must've imagined it.
Don't cut it off.
"Who's there?" I said, jumping slightly.
Don't cut it off.
I was suddenly overcome by a flood of dizziness. I tried to hold my head upright - but which way was up? I saw the same old trees and the stinging lights, spinning around hypnotically. A dark figure jumped down on me from the trees.
I really should've cut it off.
Everything went black.
Chapter 3 - Grumpy Old Harky
"Well, whatcha got there this time?" Dunmus Cork asked, tugging at Hark's black leather cloak.
"Shut up, Dunmus. You have no business here." Hark grumbled. He held a wrapped figure as he walked.
"Did Larina fail again? Shouldn't you just execute her?" Dunmus continued, ignoring Hark's words. "She's a stupid old haggy, you know."
"Shut up!" Hark snapped. "I have Jared Viper! I'll awaken him right now and make him tear your face off too! Would you like that?"
Dunmus suddenly quieted down. "Oh." He said.
"Go fix up the training room for Jared. Get some more two-pound weights."
"Yes, master."
Hark continued walking down the castle halls. He had to imprison Jared before he woke up. Who knows what the Spark did to him?
When Hark had seen him, Jared was almost completely purple. His entire right side was a dark violet color. Hark instantly regretted sending him to Larina. The old woman had lost her wits! If Hark hadn't arrived in the nick of time with the serum, Jared would've turned into a purple barbarian. That, added to his previous skill, would be devastating.
Next time, don't give any future soldiers to Larina. He reminded himself.
Finally, Hark found Jared's old training chamber. It had been specially prepared for his return. There was a chair in the corner of the room. It had a table next to it filled with everything that he'd need for his memory to come back. Unfortunately, the time crystal that had been used to prolong Jared's life would always wipe his memory. The books, files, and documents were needed for him to remember. In the other side of the room, there was a bunch of training equipment, including mats, swords, weights...the list goes on.
Hark sat Jared down into the chair gently, careful not to wake him up. He took out a coil of rope from the training side, and used it to secure Jared to the chair. He then retreated to the shadows.
Time to see what the Spark did.
Chapter 4 - Training Day
"Ughhh..." I groaned. My head felt muddy. I had a bitter taste in my mouth.
I opened my eyes. Immediately, I noticed the cobblestone wall.
The woman must've found me! I thought to myself. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. I looked down and saw that I was tied to the chair with ropes. The woman tied me up! What diabolical plans could she be thinking of now?
I struggled with the ropes, then noticed that I was in a room with swords and equipment. There was a table beside me with documents and papers.
Right at that moment, a short, chubby person walked in through the door. He held a box. "I've got the 2 pound weights-"
He stared at me, dropping the box. He then quickly ran out the door and locked it.
"Wait, help me out here!" I shouted after him. I sighed. He was probably the old woman's servant. Suddenly, I realized something...
The old hag forgot to tie up my feet! I chuckled, standing up with the chair on my back. I walked over to the door, about to open it...
Oh. Right. The guy locked it. I scoffed in frustration. Suddenly, a man walked out of nowhere.
"Ah!" I yelped, jumping. I fell onto the chair.
"Calm down!" He said. "You're fine!"
"Where am I? Who are you? I don't know anything!" I complained. "First the creepy lady, then the talking light, and now you! I'm sick of being stupid! Please explain!"
"Calm down!" The man repeated. "I'm Hark. Sorry about scaring you. You're in my training academy. I apologize for the 'creepy lady' and the light. The lady's name is Larina. The light is called a Spark, and it is attracted to humans. When it stings you, it sends part of itself into your body. When that reaches your brain, you become controlled by the Spark. It then makes you go on a killing spree until your brain splits into new Sparks. You're lucky I rescued you, Jared."
"Jared?" I looked behind me. "I'm Jared? Is that my name?"
"Yes. Jared Viper."
"That's a pretty cool name..." I said. "Do you know any more about me?"
"I was the son of your previous tutor, so yes. The documents will tell you everything." Hark said, pointing at the pile of papers on the table. Thus, I wobbled over to the table.
"Oh, by the way, could you untie me?" I said.
"Ah, right. I forgot."
Prologue
"Kaof!"
As the spell was hissed, the pack of wolves quickly dashed back into the shadows, leaving behind a wrapped bundle. A man, dressed in black leather, leaped down from the trees above. He picked it up and examined it closely.
"Hm...There he is." He chuckled. "Nice to meet you again, Jared. Azys!"
A hawk flew down from the shadows. The man held out an arm, which the hawk landed on. "Send this to Larina, and tell her to open it and to keep him safe until I arrive."
The hawk grabbed the bundle and flew off.
"I will be the one to demolish The Masked One..." The man grumbled.
Chapter 1 - A Cozy Home?
Promise me that you’ll go to Duruth.
I shall.
Will you?
Will I what?
The scene shook as a muffled cannon explosion went off.
Do not be overcome by it now! You must remember! You are Jared Viper, slayer of Zepyth, not a slave! Go to Duruth!
I…I am afraid.
Do not be scared.
I felt a mysterious warmth on my right shoulder. My left shoulder was pricked.
Go on now, warrior.
Be brave.
It began with a gasp.
I woke up in a scratchy chair, covered with rough blankets. I was sweating. It was only a dream. Where was I?
An old lady ran into the room I was in. "What happened?" She said. "Oh, you're awake."
"What - what happened? Who are you?" I asked. My voice was hoarse. I couldn't remember anything.
"I found you in my garden last night." The woman said. "Sorry, if that caused any trouble. You were passed out, and I didn't want the hounds to hurt you. No, it would be a bad situation if they took you away from me..." Her eyes glinted oddly for a second. "By the way, you can call me Ms. La."
"Thanks." I said awkwardly. I had a bad feeling about this.
"Well, I need to be tending the pot soon. Don't budge!"
The woman left the room, and I was left to myself. Immediately, I had a urge to leave. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable around the woman. Quickly, I rushed out the door.
I was surprised when I ended up outside. Tall trees surrounded me. Little bobbing lights floated around them. I wondered about them. They seemed familiar.
One of the lights dived down at me, striking my hand. A sharp pain stabbed my hand, like a needle. I gasped, swatting at the light. I examined my hands for any marks. They were slowly turning purple. Not good. Red dots started popping up where my skin was burned.
I began running back to the house, but it was gone. I hadn't wandered far from it. Where did it go? I scanned the forest. I couldn't see any signs that anything existed in the first place, except for my short trail of footprints. I was utterly confused. My hand was beginning to pulse oddly.
Where was I?
Chapter 2 - Poison
I was sitting on a rock, frowning at my hand. Everything that had touched the light was now a violet color. Angry red dots covered my skin. What was this? Some sort of fungus? A disease? Would I have to cut off my hand?
I didn't even bother looking around anymore. It was the same image, no matter what direction I looked in. Vine-covered trees and stinging lights.
Suddenly, my hand spasmed. It was shaking violently. I began to panic.
"Ah!" I yelped, standing up. The purple color was slowly spreading. It looked as if it were spreading through my veins...
Wait.
No way.
The purple was, indeed, following my veins. It was spreading through my arm, slowly. My hand turned a darker shade of purple. I sat down again on the rock, wondering how I would cut off the purple disease while keeping my arm.
I heard a whisper. It was so faint, I must've imagined it.
Don't cut it off.
"Who's there?" I said, jumping slightly.
Don't cut it off.
I was suddenly overcome by a flood of dizziness. I tried to hold my head upright - but which way was up? I saw the same old trees and the stinging lights, spinning around hypnotically. A dark figure jumped down on me from the trees.
I really should've cut it off.
Everything went black.
Chapter 3 - Grumpy Old Harky
"Well, whatcha got there this time?" Dunmus Cork asked, tugging at Hark's black leather cloak.
"Shut up, Dunmus. You have no business here." Hark grumbled. He held a wrapped figure as he walked.
"Did Larina fail again? Shouldn't you just execute her?" Dunmus continued, ignoring Hark's words. "She's a stupid old haggy, you know."
"Shut up!" Hark snapped. "I have Jared Viper! I'll awaken him right now and make him tear your face off too! Would you like that?"
Dunmus suddenly quieted down. "Oh." He said.
"Go fix up the training room for Jared. Get some more two-pound weights."
"Yes, master."
Hark continued walking down the castle halls. He had to imprison Jared before he woke up. Who knows what the Spark did to him?
When Hark had seen him, Jared was almost completely purple. His entire right side was a dark violet color. Hark instantly regretted sending him to Larina. The old woman had lost her wits! If Hark hadn't arrived in the nick of time with the serum, Jared would've turned into a purple barbarian. That, added to his previous skill, would be devastating.
Next time, don't give any future soldiers to Larina. He reminded himself.
Finally, Hark found Jared's old training chamber. It had been specially prepared for his return. There was a chair in the corner of the room. It had a table next to it filled with everything that he'd need for his memory to come back. Unfortunately, the time crystal that had been used to prolong Jared's life would always wipe his memory. The books, files, and documents were needed for him to remember. In the other side of the room, there was a bunch of training equipment, including mats, swords, weights...the list goes on.
Hark sat Jared down into the chair gently, careful not to wake him up. He took out a coil of rope from the training side, and used it to secure Jared to the chair. He then retreated to the shadows.
Time to see what the Spark did.
Chapter 4 - Training Day
"Ughhh..." I groaned. My head felt muddy. I had a bitter taste in my mouth.
I opened my eyes. Immediately, I noticed the cobblestone wall.
The woman must've found me! I thought to myself. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. I looked down and saw that I was tied to the chair with ropes. The woman tied me up! What diabolical plans could she be thinking of now?
I struggled with the ropes, then noticed that I was in a room with swords and equipment. There was a table beside me with documents and papers.
Right at that moment, a short, chubby person walked in through the door. He held a box. "I've got the 2 pound weights-"
He stared at me, dropping the box. He then quickly ran out the door and locked it.
"Wait, help me out here!" I shouted after him. I sighed. He was probably the old woman's servant. Suddenly, I realized something...
The old hag forgot to tie up my feet! I chuckled, standing up with the chair on my back. I walked over to the door, about to open it...
Oh. Right. The guy locked it. I scoffed in frustration. Suddenly, a man walked out of nowhere.
"Ah!" I yelped, jumping. I fell onto the chair.
"Calm down!" He said. "You're fine!"
"Where am I? Who are you? I don't know anything!" I complained. "First the creepy lady, then the talking light, and now you! I'm sick of being stupid! Please explain!"
"Calm down!" The man repeated. "I'm Hark. Sorry about scaring you. You're in my training academy. I apologize for the 'creepy lady' and the light. The lady's name is Larina. The light is called a Spark, and it is attracted to humans. When it stings you, it sends part of itself into your body. When that reaches your brain, you become controlled by the Spark. It then makes you go on a killing spree until your brain splits into new Sparks. You're lucky I rescued you, Jared."
"Jared?" I looked behind me. "I'm Jared? Is that my name?"
"Yes. Jared Viper."
"That's a pretty cool name..." I said. "Do you know any more about me?"
"I was the son of your previous tutor, so yes. The documents will tell you everything." Hark said, pointing at the pile of papers on the table. Thus, I wobbled over to the table.
"Oh, by the way, could you untie me?" I said.
"Ah, right. I forgot."