Biggus
05-13-2013, 08:05 AM
ARE YOU WEARING CELLULITE CREAM?
Are you wearing cellulite cream?
And is that workin’ for yer?
I only ask as it looks like
You’re covered in tapioca
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 289
If wishes were horses
Then beggars would ride,
But they’re not
So get off my pony
THE PRACTICE SWING
If your practice swing
Is the best you can do
Then I would have to say
That Golfs not for you
ARE YOU WEARING A PETTICOAT?
Are you wearing a petticoat?
Are they were still in vogue?
That’s delightful apparel
For a lascivious old rogue
RUNNING GENES
Scientists say there are now
Running Genes
But surely it would chafe
If you ran in Jeans
DIVIDING OPINION
Because of the obvious risk
That one of us might fall
I had a stair lift fitted
Which I don’t mind at all
But my wife says that its
Driving her up the wall
BRITISH GAS FIVE STAR
I can remember a time
In the dim and distant past
When you could boast
To your friends and neighbours
That you were the proud user
Of the British Gas five star,
All singing all dancing,
Central heating and boiler cover
Which was akin to saying
You had a Rolls Royce
Parked in your garage
Such was its superior quality
Of course that was a world away
In in different century
Now having British Gas homecare
Is the equivalent to owning,
A 1983 Skoda
WE ARE TRADITIONALISTS # 1
We are traditionalists
In our village
Deep in little Britain.
And on a weekend
There is nothing
We like better
Than a game
Of spin the pauper
Are you wearing cellulite cream?
And is that workin’ for yer?
I only ask as it looks like
You’re covered in tapioca
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 289
If wishes were horses
Then beggars would ride,
But they’re not
So get off my pony
THE PRACTICE SWING
If your practice swing
Is the best you can do
Then I would have to say
That Golfs not for you
ARE YOU WEARING A PETTICOAT?
Are you wearing a petticoat?
Are they were still in vogue?
That’s delightful apparel
For a lascivious old rogue
RUNNING GENES
Scientists say there are now
Running Genes
But surely it would chafe
If you ran in Jeans
DIVIDING OPINION
Because of the obvious risk
That one of us might fall
I had a stair lift fitted
Which I don’t mind at all
But my wife says that its
Driving her up the wall
BRITISH GAS FIVE STAR
I can remember a time
In the dim and distant past
When you could boast
To your friends and neighbours
That you were the proud user
Of the British Gas five star,
All singing all dancing,
Central heating and boiler cover
Which was akin to saying
You had a Rolls Royce
Parked in your garage
Such was its superior quality
Of course that was a world away
In in different century
Now having British Gas homecare
Is the equivalent to owning,
A 1983 Skoda
WE ARE TRADITIONALISTS # 1
We are traditionalists
In our village
Deep in little Britain.
And on a weekend
There is nothing
We like better
Than a game
Of spin the pauper