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Macintosh
05-04-2013, 02:10 PM
"Cat Food" -- a whimsical supernatural short story
Copyright 2013, all rights reserved

________________


Chill breezes cut across dark city streets, streets still damp and dripping from an earlier rain, more storms forecast. A full moon tried to penetrate the oncoming clouds without success, instead casting fleet shadows on the street resembling scurrying phantoms in the night.

Martin Stewart was one of those phantoms, stepping briskly along the poorly paved sidewalk, trying to avoid puddles and keep himself from tripping on the uneven brickwork beneath his feet. The streetlights didn’t help. They were widely spaced, and what light they emanated was some faux gaslamp glow.

“Retro,” Stewart muttered to himself. “To hell with retro,” allowing a little smile. He’d moved into the neighborhood a few months ago specifically because of its Gay Nineties charm, everything reconstructed to the mode of sandblasted red brick and black wrought iron trim. And it was a pleasant change from the cold flat glass and steel of most urban settings, to be sure. Right now, however, he’d gladly trade it all for a solid concrete sidewalk and bright carbon streetlights.

Cat food, dammit. Stewart meant to pick up cat food the last time he shopped, and had simply forgotten. Not his normal behavior, because Stewart was the type who planned meticulously. He’d done so his entire life and had profited. But nobody’s perfect. So Stewart, distracted by his latest activities and arriving home late, was
confronted by two mewing cats who immediately demanded their dinners. And even as he reached for the kitchen cupboard door, he knew the shelf would be empty, because that morning he’d dished out the last can as breakfast for Tinker and Soldier. Hence the quick drizzly trip to the corner store, where he’d probably pay triple for what he could have easily bought a few days prior at the discount mart. Oh well, best laid plans.

Stewart felt a few drops of rain on his face. He increased his stride and hoped he’d be back home before the deluge hit. Otherwise he’d be soaked. But wet or not, Stewart couldn’t let his treasured cats go hungry.

Originally there’d been four, a litter he adopted at the animal shelter, their mother either having abandoned them or perhaps run over by a car. A quartet of adorable tabbies that he immediately named Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, after his favorite John LeCarre novel. Within weeks, Tailor, the only female, sadly succumbed to an intestinal birth defect, and that summer Spy sneaked out an open screen door, his poor mangled body later found in the street by neighbor kids. Whether killed by a dog or car was never certain. Tinker and Soldier were the survivors, having grown into a wonderful pair of feline brothers. Eight years now, and with good vet care and a loving owner, they’d have many happy years ahead.

Stewart trudged dutifully through the dimly lit streets, four short blocks to the all-night store. A brushing sound behind him and Stewart pivoted quickly, raising his arm in defense. Wind rattling branches of a nearby tree. He sighed and turned back on his journey. There’d been a rash of muggings in the area, and lone pedestrians at night were easy prey. Should have taken the car, Stewart thought, but fond hopes and a faint farewell to that. He was committed to the walk now, so he shook off any regret and continued along the artfully broken brickwork.

Stewart reached the little convenience store (inconvenience store, he thought, smiling again) and stepped inside. The interior was almost as poorly lit as the street, and its windows, obscured by heavy security bars and numerous product posters, rendered the place claustrophobic. Whatever. In and out and get home.

He’d only been to the store once and it took him a while to find the pet food. A sad display of off-brand cans,
dusty and forgotten, nearly a buck each. It would have to do. He took four, hoping the cats would at least tolerate one or two. Tomorrow he’d go shopping for real and bring Tinker and Soldier a generous treat, perhaps fresh liver, to offset this insult to their palates.

The customer ahead of him at the counter was taking forever. He’d gotten the wrong beer and had to go to the cooler and grab the correct six pack. Now he was pondering which cigarettes to buy. Stewart glanced at the clock on the wall. Nearly midnight, not a time he chose to be out, especially without carefully planned things to do, people to see. Being here because of a mistake made Stewart feel unsure of himself. He hadn’t stayed successful by acting impulsively and didn’t want to start now.

The customer finally made his purchase and left. Stewart put the cans on the counter, handed the clerk a five, got change. Neither person spoke. Stewart took the small plastic bag containing the cat food and hurriedly walked home. The rain somehow held off till Stewart was about fifty feet from his front door, then it descended in gushers. He scooted quickly beneath the shelter of the small porch roof overhang and put his key into the front door lock. Safe, with mission accomplished.

“Go on, dude,” a voice in his right ear. “Open the door.” Stewart turned toward the sound and felt a sudden sharp prick at his neck. He stood stock still, and in his peripheral vision could see the knife blade and shadowy outline of the mugger. “I said open the damn door!”

How the guy had gotten the drop on him he didn’t know. He’d seen no one, but of course he’d been preoccupied and not as careful as usual, his lack of vigilance now coming back to haunt him. Somehow he’d been followed right to his own house. Stewart twisted the key and was abruptly pushed forward, slammed against the door. The mugger turned the knob, swung open the door, and shoved Stewart roughly inside. Stewart stumbled, dropped the bag, cans rattling and bouncing across the floor.

Tinker and Soldier ran to meet Stewart, then drew up and stopped, as three strangers also dashed inside from the downpour, closing the door behind them. The cats shyly retreated.

Stewart regained his balance and stood before the intruders. They were fairly young. The one who confronted him with the knife was about twenty, a slender black man, dressed in hoodie and dark pants. His partners were both white, a tall solid man, maybe thirty, an equally large girl about the same age, both in nondescript dark clothing as well, hoods pulled up. Brother and sister team? The tall man held a piece of pipe as a club, the girl another knife. All three advanced upon Stewart, glancing to one another for support.

“I don’t want trouble,” Stewart said, holding his hands away from his body. “I’ve got some cash, hundred bucks or so. You can have it. Just leave me alone.”

“We’ll take what we want and leave alone what we goddamn feel like, Pops!” The girl grinned sarcastically as she spoke.

Despite the predicament, Stewart felt chagrined at being called “Pops.” Yes, he was a lot older than his intruders but certainly didn’t look his age. Funny how something so irrelevant can be irritating in a crisis. “I don’t have much but you’re welcome to it. Take my cash, my TV, DVD player. It’s insured.”

“Gimme your wallet, dude,” the black kid said, pointing with the knife. “Slow and careful.”

“Sure,” Stewart replied. “Take the cash and leave, okay?” He eased his wallet from the hip pocket, handed it over.Without looking, the black kid passed the wallet to the big stocky guy. He opened it, flipped through the currency. “Ninety, hunnert, one twenty.” He removed the cash, stuck it in his jacket pocket, checked the rest of the wallet. “American Express and Visa.” He retrieved the cards, waved his steel pipe at Stewart. “You, siddown on the floor.” Stewart sat.

“We’re gonna need those PINs for your cards, Pops,” the girl said.

Stewart nodded his assent. “Fine, there’s a notepad on the desk. Write them down, take the cards. I don’t want trouble.”

She moved closer, put her knife blade under Stewart’s nose, making him tilt his head back. “Pops, we are trouble. We’re gonna hang around here a while, hit the ATMs every day till you’re busted flat, then if you act nice, we might not cut your friggin’ throat on the way out.” She smiled again. It wasn’t a friendly smile.

The girl glanced over Stewart’s shoulder. “Hey, kitty, kitty,” she called. She walked toward the kitchen, reaching down, then turned and looked back at Stewart. “You like your kitties, Pops? You behave and we won’t slice ‘em up.” She laughed and a wicked shiver filled her voice. “But carving kitties is my specialty. I might do it no matter.”

“Don’t hurt the cats, please,” Stewart pleaded, showing concern and fright for the first time. “Do what you want, take what you want. Leave the cats alone.”

The black kid replied by stepping forward and viciously kicking Stewart in the ribs. “We do what we want, *******! You don’t got no say in the matter, so shut up!” He drew his leg back, balancing for another kick. Stewart ignored the attack and looked toward the girl, who was squatting down, making friendly to the cats with one hand, knife poised overhead in the other. Soldier held back but Tinker was cautiously advancing.

Stewart didn’t care for impetuous decisions. He’d been into that before and scarcely survived. Planning was better. But sometimes…

As the kick swung toward him, Stewart dropped his carefully cultivated tentative and clumsy persona. His hand an impossible blur as he reached out, seized the kid’s thigh, and squeezed. The sound of the femur snapping was clear in the room, like someone breaking cordwood. The boy collapsed, kick forgotten, knife forgotten. He grabbed his leg and rolled on the floor, screaming.

The big guy ran toward Stewart, pipe raised as a bludgeon, but Stewart was on his feet in a flash. With one seeming casual push from his palm, he struck the attacker’s forehead. The skull split open as if hit by an axe, neck shattered. The man was dead before he hit the floor.

A fraction of a second later and Stewart was standing before the girl. She’d seen what was happening, was quick, and just had time to thrust the blade into his chest to the hilt. He barely felt it, instead held her blade hand firmly, almost lovingly, his other arm about her shoulders in a mock embrace, pulling her close. Fangs now fully extended, Stewart bit into her neck and drank a while, then let her fall. She lay there, twitching.

Stewart ambled casually to the black kid, who was groaning and in shock from having his leg crushed. He looked up “What?” his only word. Stewart leaned over, lifted him easily from the floor with one hand.

“I told you to take what you wanted. I would have let you go. But you will not threaten my cats,” Stewart lectured, then bit down and took his time. Later, he finished the girl and was now too satiated to bother with the big guy and his broken neck. Dead blood simply didn’t taste the same anyway.

Near dawn and Stewart was finished scrubbing the floors. The muggers were cut into pieces and stuffed into large plastic trash bags. Later, he’d lug them to his sailboat. If something did wash ashore, sharks would hopefully be blamed.

Stewart regretted his actions. Not the killings, of course. That’s what vampires do. But feeding in his own
neighborhood, especially his home, was risky. He’d not done something that rash in nearly a century. Nevertheless his hand had been forced.

At least the cats would have plenty of fresh liver.


The End

Jack of Hearts
05-05-2013, 06:13 AM
That was a weird turn of violence. For some reason, the femur breaking part was notably gruesome to this reader. This piece has some problems, though. Your trio of intruders suck, both in dialogue and in action-- not tense and not really believable, in the sense that this part draws attention to itself for being nonrealistic and/or comically awkward. Stewart's verbose and (strangely) overly helpful responses to them are also jarring.

Reads clean enough, those things aside, and the end of it all... well, it turns out to be exactly what you promised in your header (which this reader ignored at first, which made the story surprising when Stewart starting going supernatural on his attackers).






J

Delta40
05-05-2013, 08:56 AM
I agree with the above. Perhaps space out the intruders ransacking his place, helping themselves to his belongings and generally having a good time at his expense with the increasing suspense of impending doom. Otherwise I enjoyed it.

hillwalker
05-05-2013, 09:08 AM
Most writers are advised not to begin a story with a weather update.
All you manage to establish in your opening paragraph is that it's night. I'm not sure that's enough to hook a reader even when you mention the word 'phantom' because you tell us the clouds' shadows resemble phantoms, then that Martin Stewart is a phantom. Presumably he resembles one the way he flits from shadow to shadow. Clever in a sense, but ultimately it fell flat for me.

We then have him muttering to himself followed by a block of back-story. Less than 70 words, admittedly, but still jarring. If your MC's personal history is relevant to the plot then you have to find a way to drip-feed us the information without stepping outside the frame of the story. If it's not relevant then it has no place in the story.

You do the same when you reflect on Stewart's 'normal behaviour'. Why should we care that he had profited his entire life by meticulous planning? You need to keep the plot focussed on what your MC is doing next to maintain the momentum.

I could have managed perfectly well without the lengthy explanation of how he came to use the last tin of cat food and the ensuing dilemma he faced. If that's what the plot hinges on then I'm ready to stop reading now.

More weather - then you hammer home again the fact he needs to feed his cats. Then. . . the plot is abandoned in some roadside ditch while the author takes us along some tedious detour detailing the history of his cats. I know there are some people out there who become literally orgasmic when they read anything that has a cat in it. Personally, if there's no story there's no point reading on.

The weather appears again and there's some boring internalised pondering between walking and driving. You make reading this such hard work, honestly.

'trudged dutifully' ???

Some disparaging observations regarding the store and the choice of tins on offer.

Being here because of a mistake made Stewart feel unsure of himself. He hadn’t stayed successful by acting impulsively and didn’t want to start now.

What purpose does this ^^^ serve. Again, you're spinning your wheels instead of telling the story.

More weather. . . then a moment of dramatic tension rapidly extinguished by some self-analysis into how distracted he'd allowed himself to become. It's almost like you're trying your best to wreck the story.

You take time out to describe the intruders when all the reader wants to know is what the hell is going to happen next.
But. . . instead you allow Stewart ample time to consider the way he's been spoken to.

Funny how something so irrelevant can be irritating in a crisis.
And how it can kill a scene stone dead.

The flimsy plot hangs on the premise that 3 muggers are about to set up home inside Stewart's house and raid his bank account until it's empty. . . but Stewart is a vampire?

I think you were aiming for a particular style (sardonic? sophisticated?) but somewhere along the line forgot about the importance of plot. The best I can offer is that the punch-line was amusing - but the length of time it took us to reach there wasn't worth the bus fare.

H

Hawkman
05-05-2013, 09:27 AM
I think I have to agree about putting the qualification in the title. Just let the tale speak for itself. I have some issues with the opening paragraph as to me at least, it doesn't actually read that well. more conventionally structured sentences would be better to read, and the punctuation could be improved: the "more storms forecast" doesn't flow properly from a comma and would have read more fluidly as "with more storms forecast." Also, the indeterminate, "activities" is not good. we don't need these to be hinted at. Just tell us that Stewart got home late from work. It's enough. You also mention his name more often than is necessary.

I'm not sure that I agree with Jack about the mugger's dialogue. It isn't particularly menacing, but it is nasty and the idea that the muggers got off on being nasty to people as much as grabbing their cash isn't unbelievable. I think they might have been more violent though. I think I'd agree with jack about just how cooperative Stewart would be in his dialogue. He is just a little too helpful. "I don't want any trouble," repeated would probably be enough.

This would read better like this:

'“I told you to take what you wanted. I would have let you go. But you shouldn't have threatened my cats,” said Stewart,'

While reading this I kind of got the impression that Stewart was living in a terrace of houses, not a detached house, though this is not specified. I can't help thinking that the screaming of the mugger with the broken leg would have attracted the neighbours' attention at gone midnight. Of course, if the neighbours were watching telly turned up too loud then they might not have heard it, or maybe Stewart lives in a well soundproofed detached house.

Generally though, I quite enjoyed the story and I particularly like the fact that the cats got fresh liver. :D

Live and be well - H