Untitled Composition 18

[Jack of Hearts]

delete

[hillwalker]

Wow - I could read stuff like this all day long. The biggest compliment I can offer is that I wish I'd written it.

H

[Hawkman]

Wow - I could read stuff like this all day long.

I'm sorry to say that I'm afraid I couldn't. The experience of reading is akin to the state of distracted viewing one experiences when the TV is on and you are doing something else at the same time. Occasionally you look up and catch a glimpse of a story, or disjointed dialogue breaks through into your consciousness. Certainly, the fractured imagery is potent, but seems strangely irrelevant. Frying bumblebees (unless this is some brand name for a food product in the US) and burnt roaches, a sparrow leaping from his hand (which is really a scrap of paper.) The whole reading experience is disjointed and disorientating. The basic elements of the plot hold together, but the presentation, at least for me, detracts from it. The piece reads like an intellectual experiment based on a radical theory, but that doesn't make it a good story to read. Theory is one thing, good practice is another.

I also have a bit of a problem with the relevance of the opening scene. Yes, it's certainly an original way to say that the girl is haunted by the ghost of her father (figuratively, not literally) but the relationship between the girl and the deceased parent, as described later on, doesn't come over as quite natural. You are employing devices in depicting the girl's reluctance to date guys using a trope more usually associated with deceased lovers. However, as the story develops we are led to the conclusion it's all about respect for his writing and how she believes no one can ever live up to his standard. The latter part is perfectly reasonable, but, as I said earlier, the plot is ok but the presentation is very distracting. Oh and one last thing, "the happy bumblebees" should be lying not laying in the pan.

Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

We all have our own opinions, and the material we enjoy reading differs from individual to individual, which is why it's always interesting to see others' reactions.

I was always a fan of the obscure over the literal. And I agree - what is it with these American writers and their inability to differentiate between or scan the verbs 'lie' and 'lay' correctly??

H

[Hawkman]

I was always a fan of the obscure over the literal. And I agree - what is it with these American writers and their inability to differentiate between or scan the verbs 'lie' and 'lay' correctly??

H

Well, to be honest, it's not just the rebellious colonials who have that problem lol.

Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

I blame Bob Dylan and his 'Lay Lady Lay' - that's when it all started I reckon.

H

[AuntShecky]

I blame Bob Dylan and his 'Lay Lady Lay' - that's when it all started I reckon.

H

Also, Simon and Garfunkle: "Like a bridge over troubled water/I will lay me down."

[cafolini]

The problem is not recent. It started centuries ago with the intransitive lie. I don't see much to be said about this. That's of course only if it could save aunty from commiting suicide. LOL

[Steven Hunley]

You know this is sooo well written, and interesting to boot. What you don't fill in leaves us panting for more, and at the same time you give us a sense of completeness.

[Jack of Hearts]

Thanks!





J