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mfalikucuk
04-23-2013, 12:17 AM
Ali Kucuk

Short Story




If Tamy was not in the snow, she knows her hands would still be shaking she, had to win. As the pistol was fired up the air, she pushed off with his poles and shot onto the groomed track. The sharp rush of wind pierced her skin like a thousand knives as she bolted down the ski slope. Her trophy cabinet is prepared to invite the new glimmer piece of appreciation that she was sure to get her hands on. Crowds were cheering behind metal fences, all pushing each other to get to the front and see the action. The grassy mountain in the summer with daisies and buttercups was now covered in thick and powdery snow. Elbowing her competitors she tried to push her way to the front. Unfortunately she just was not quick enough, the others zoomed off and she was left alone behind. As she shot through the trees with vanilla topping she suddenly had an idea. Thinking that she could skip that part of the race she swiftly moved out from beneath the trees to loop around them. She was certain he was going to end up in front. Making smooth tracks in the freshly fallen snow, she looked out into the distance. At the end of the slope she could see the red marker flag contrasted against her snowy surroundings. The wind whipped her hair as she sped past the trees covered with thick layers of snow. Another breath of fresh air burst into her lungs. The sun beamed down on her bony back. As her skis sifted through the powder, she approached the flag. As the flag came closer and closer in view it morphed into a rectangular shaped danger cliff sign. She had no time to halt, before her body was viciously thrown into mid air and slammed into what looked like the gentle snow; but was instead hard, rough ground narrowly missing a group of knife-like jagged rocks below her. Whimpering in pain, she lifted her head to see miles upon miles of what looked like cookies and cream icecream rocks and snow. Black mingled in sparkling white, white disappearing into the abyss. There was an absence of footsteps, the wind even fearing to venture down into the icy hell that she had plummeted into. Even the birds above her were now soaring overhead, mocking her as if waiting for her death. Minutes felt like years as she lay sprawled out in the snow. Any moment now her prince would arrive on the top of the jagged edge unravelling a rope for her to climb up to safety in his waiting arms or a helicopter would send down a basket for her to be lifted into and bring her back to the land of the living. But these were all dreams and hopes. As she drifted off into the land of eternal sleep, she wished she hadn’t taken that shortcut.

hizmetkar
04-23-2013, 12:45 AM
It is one of the good short story that i read today. tamy's story was interesting.

hizmetkar
04-23-2013, 12:57 AM
I think the fiction of event was very interesting but he needs to work on his structure.

Raph Luo
05-27-2013, 09:34 AM
Interesting story - made me think about Super Mario's jump lol!

NickBrown
06-01-2013, 09:18 AM
Agree. Less is definitely more, especially regarding cliches such as "pierced her like a thousand knives."