short story

[Lejla Alushi]

Hello everybody! This is my short story.
my short story was only to complete me homework.

[Shaman_Raman]

Hey lejla, I'd like to offer my feedback.

Your first sentence is pretty cliche, I have to be honest. Instead of "cold winter day", try for a more authentic picture of the winter season to you. There's also really no interesting plot here. You have one character that does one action for one ending result. Normally, I see lit members write very long, stretched out stories, but for you, I'd say there's plenty of room to write more.

I'd recommend trying for a better title than "short story" too. Usually a title can be used to some effect for the story, like addressing the main point or thesis. "Cristiano Ronaldo", "Mystery Box", "Ben's awesome Christmas".
.I don't know how you feel about those, but I hope you see my point.

Overall, I think you need to either build more on this or scrap it. No offense intended, but I see no real meaningful or enduring quality to this as of now.

[Geraldo Braho]

not bad lelo but check it before u post it coz it playing play-station and not paying lol ;) but its cool

[hillwalker]

Not really worth posting, was it? You had a rather feeble idea for a kid's story so you posted it - the idea, not the story.

If you have any hopes of getting your writing taken seriously I suggest you spend the next five years reading stories to see how it's done. You're a long way from ready.

H