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kdavrishov
04-22-2013, 07:27 PM
Lisa didn’t have any friends and she was feeling lonely because her lovely Dad never let her to go outside the house. He was afraid that something would happen to his daughter, the princess of the country. But one day she sneaked out from the castle for the first time just to look for some new friends. She had no idea what kind of adventures were waiting for her.

It was a beautiful day with an amazing sunrise, but the king was upset. He was anxious over losing his only daughter, a daughter who hadn’t seen the real world and had no one to protect her. At that time, princess was traveling a long way through the deep woods to find the closest village to find friends.
Princess Lisa realized that she been walking in the woods too long and she had gone far from her house. It was getting cold and dark, and finally, panicking she started yelling, “HELP ME, DADDY HELP ME”, but there was no answer. The darkness had almost blinded Princess Lisa. She could hardly see the path that she was walking on or the trees around her. As Princess Lisa walked, she heard the sound of the river. She thought, “Maybe if I go the same way as the flow of the river, I will find a village”. On the way to the river, however she tripped over something hard and hairy. Getting up, she saw a huge, black and scary bear coming at her. She started running, looking for a place to hide. After couple of minutes running from the huge scary bear, she saw a hole in a big hill and ran towards the hole as fast as she could. She didn’t know where she was running, because she had run for a long time. When she reached the hole, she slides into the hole. The hole was dark and dirty, moreover she was afraid that the bear would find her. There was nothing else to do but just wait till sunrise.

The sunlight was bright and it shone right into the hole. That really disturbed Princess Lisa as the brightness of the sunshine woke her up. She climbed out of the hole and continued walking in the same direction as the flow of the river. After a long walk she saw a boat on the bank of the river and she thought, “If I take the boat, I will move a lot faster and also I’m so tired from walking.” Before she started walking toward the boat, however, she saw a gorilla running towards her. Scared and shocked, she didn’t know what to do so she closed her eyes and stood still and waited for a miracle to happen. But nothing happened. Loosing hope, she accepted that she would die that day from the attack of a gorilla. But when she opened her eyes she saw the gorilla running by her and attack a bear which had been stalking Princess Lisa in order to attack her. Lisa used this advantage to get to the boat and float away. After a long while, she found a village where she planned to stay there for a couple of days till she found any friends.

At that time her Dad’s guards were looking for the Princess Lisa. The guards had looked almost everywhere but the village that the Princess Lisa was in. Finding her last, the guards took her back to the castle. On the way to the castle, Princess Lisa saw the same gorilla that had saved her life from the huge black bear. She told the guards, “Go catch the gorilla; I want to make the gorilla my first pet”. The guards tried to catch the gorilla, but it wasn’t that easy. After couple of tries, however they were after to catch him and take the gorilla with them back to the castle.

Once they arrived at the castle, the King was elated to see that his daughter returned home safely. He wondered why she had run away and why she brought the gorilla back with her. The Princess Lisa told him everything that had happened to her, and the reason that she had returned with the gorilla. After listening to his daughter, the king let the gorilla stay and be his daughters pet, but Princess Lisa didn’t accepted him as a pet. The gorilla became Princess Lisa’s best friend.

hillwalker
04-23-2013, 07:45 AM
I'm sorry to say, but on the basis of this you don't appear to have much experience in writing stories - or indeed reading many. This is like something a child in junior school would produce as an assignment. It's a rather boring 'fairy story' cluttered with fairy story clichés - nothing original.

The biggest problem is the way the story is structured. It's repetitive, and a muddle.

In the first paragraph you tell us a great deal about Lisa - how isolated she feels and how protective her father is towards her. But we're no nearer knowing what kind of person she is. Then suddenly in sentence three the story begins.
In the second paragraph you describe the weather, then tell us again how protective the king is. Then we return to the 'story' - except the story is too weak and uneventful to bother pursuing. A princess wanders into some deep woods to find friends. How thrilling!

I couldn't read any further - it's too silly for words.

If this has been written for children then it's not good enough. You need to read many, many children's books first in order to find out how to excite the reader and keep the story flowing in an intriguing way.
This isn't a story. It's just an account of what she did and it's as dull as a newspaper report.

If it's written for your own entertainment then continue by all means, but if you're hoping to attract an audience you have a great deal of work ahead of you.

H