The Swim

[Hawkman]

You, she, me, a triumvirate of we,
strip to the rasping sound of cricket song,
plunge triumphantly through bath-hot shallows
and seek relief in cooler warmth beyond.

Swimming, floating, treading still calm water
beneath a wheeling swarm of soaring kites,
which, like debris caught in some slow-motion
maelstrom of tornado winds, are rising,

rising, ever rising in the hazy
blue—glowing golden brown, circling, circling
in silhouette—until they are just dots.
And you, she, me; we swim on, our heads up,

watched from the shore by many wary eyes
set in the horned and ready heads of buck—
blesbok, with their white-washed faces flashing
and delicate impala standing by—

on, and back, into the shallows, now free
from clinging dust and sticky sweat, we dry
in sultry air and dress in its caress
beside the plovers and the shading trees.

[Charles Darnay]

I love the flow of this! It's fast-paced and relaxing at the same time.

[cafolini]

It's a WE-WE-WE. LOL A triunvirate. LMAO

[Hawkman]

CD: Many thanks for reading and appreciating this poem. It is kind of relaxing, isn't it. :)

cafolini: "LMAO" well, you seem to do that a lot, and, assuming it means what I think it means, it probably explains the incontinence displayed in many of your posts. :D

Thanks again to all who read - H

[cafolini]

Yes, incontinent two triumvirates: LOL-LOL-LOL and LMAO-LMAO-LMAO.

[Hawkman]

Keep taking the mood stabilisers

[Lokasenna]

Ignore the troll, Hawkman - this is an excellent poem. I love the sense of movement in this poem - you capture that energy effortlessly. And some of your imagery is gorgeous.

[cafolini]

Ignore the troll, Hawkman - this is an excellent poem. I love the sense of movement in this poem - you capture that energy effortlessly. And some of your imagery is gorgeous.

He just needs a little help every once in a while. No? Thalia trolls heavily. He doesn't have Johny Carson.

[Hawkman]

Loki: Hi, and many thanks for gracing the thread with such appreciative words. I'm glad you enjoyed it because I spent some time on this one. It was a scene which I recalled with a great deal of pleasure. In the reeds there were Red Bishops and Weaver Birds. There was also a Reed Cormorant and a family of Egyptian Geese. After the swim we saw a Pied Kingfisher hovering over the shallows then diving for his supper. Saw a Hamerkop too. All in all, a very good day.

I can't really complain about the other chap. After all, he is bumping the thread :D

Live and be well - H

[cafolini]

"I can't really complain about the other chap. After all, he is bumping the thread"

Before all. LOL

[Haunted]

Who's "we"? Phew, i was holding my breath as though I was in water myself, waiting for something to happen. I'm glad all of you came back up, lol. I feared a very different ending, based on "we". But pleasantly surprised and immensely entertained. Your descriptves are impeccable. Every bit of it.

[Hawkman]

Hi Haunted, What sort of thing did you expect to happen? Were you expecting crocodiles? :D Had there been crocks I don't think we'd have ventured into the water quite so readily! As for who; well, that would be telling... :D I'm a bit baffled by the consternation caused by "we". If the mention of "relief" is giving the wrong impression, let me assure you all that it was relief from heat that we sought :) it was about 35 degrees C. The other kind of we has two e s lol.

Seriously though, thanks for reading and enjoying the poem. I'm always happy to entertain :)

Live and be well - H

[Haunted]

"we" as in three suggests a triangle which rarely ends well. I was expecting drowning, perhaps a suicide pact. Don't mind me, I'm a drama queen :biggrinjester:. Thank goodness it turns out to be such a pleasant piece! :cornut:

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

It's really nice seeing this site fine as it was once upon the time, and here is another charming text. I miss all the members and critics here; nice to see you all. It is a beautiful text Hawkman.

[Hawkman]

No worries Haunted. Thanks again :)

Mojtaba: hi, and welcome back. Sadly it isn't quite what it was but we try to keep the flag flying. Thanks for your kind words with regard to this piece, I'm very pleased that you rate it so highly.

Live and be well - H

[AuntShecky]

We don't see "swim" as a noun very often; usually it's in gerund form --"swimming." Then again, it's perfectly logical, corresponding to "walk," as in "Let's take an old-fashioned walk."

Despite the state of my boggled mind (after attempting to read the Short Story Forum today), I still can count (I think.) I'm still puzzled about the three people in the water-- who are "you" and "she"?

The imagery is good, "unfamiliar" in a good sense. In addition to fauna and flora of Africa( I take it), we don't often see kites in a poem about swimming. Another "unfamiliar" element which works.

I also liked the cameo appearance of the plovers. I can just picture their little pointed bills and their little feet scampering along the edge of the water.

[Hawkman]

Hi Auntie: Yes, 'go for a swim' is common parlance over here, but a swim is also a place where fish lurk :D

As I said to Haunted, to say who 'you and she' were would be telling :D I had never seen so many kites in one place before; they flew in and gathered from god knows where. You can barely look up out there without seeing one or two flitting about, but there must have been nearly a hundred of them wheeling skywards in an enormous helix on that occasion.

JB once commented that I was a bit of a twitcher. I never really thought of myself as a bird watcher before he mentioned it, but I don't seem to be able to write about the natural world without mentioning birds. I wouldn't consider myself an expert ornithologist, though I have to admit that I like watching the tweeties. There are so many different kinds...

Anyway, thanks for gracing the poem with your attention.

Live and be well - H