Glass On A Playground

[Ceile]

Like glass on a playground
The innocent sister running barefoot and free
The brother, a step behind
Or in front
Missing what so needlessly injured the first
She fell, startled
Blood shed
But like ever vigilant parents,
They must pick up the pieces
And like the ever present comfort of the brother
He will help heal her wounds
And like her unyielding strength of heart
She will not be deterred
For we will once more run barefoot through the playground

[hillwalker]

I'm guessing this is in response to Boston. An interesting idea to bring in the element of a playground but I think you laid it on much too heavy-handedly with lines 9 and 11. The poem would have worked better without this pair of rather vague observations in my opinion. It ends up cliched, diminishing the message.

H

[Ceile]

Thank you for your input hillwalker. It was definitely a debate in my mind whether to be literal in those two lines, but I suppose, after thinking about what you said, if I were going to be metaphorical for the most part I better do it throughout the entire thing. I guess I was too intent on connecting the two ideas I didn't leave room for readers to interpret it on their own.