Alone At The Graves - In Fear Of

[ShadowsCool]

Alone At The Graves

I have found happiness there
In the cradle of life that doesn't speak;
The dead graves that breathe life,
As if they talk with beauty.

For happiness was fleeting, I grew weary
Acting as if I should be,
Alone rather at the graves
Above, sending my eulogy.



In Fear Of

Everything I had feared I had found.
All my nightmares had come to the fore.
The creeping ones and the sinister ones.
All that had me renouncing dreams.

But there was no renouncing being
Where I found myself,
In the bailiwick cottage that spoke of doom,
In the dark dirges of a spellbound room.

And the dormitory had an ominous smell
Of blood I feared was alive;
And what sense I felt, I was never dealt;
Overwhelmed, bordering on grotesque delight.

For I was delirious just to end it,
That my time had come;
And there was no place to run
In the unfolding bleak of darkness.

A maleficence
Such that I had never seen;
And even so, the fear that held me
Left me gasping for a purge of light.

For I was bitten with fear
And nothing but to comfort me;
As the forlorn spread to certain doom
Of what awaited me

In the pitch of unfettered gloom,
With my hands masked about my face;
Slowly delivering myself to my own demise
Into a strangers destructive mind.

[hillwalker]

Alone At The Graves

I have found happiness there

In the cradle of life that don't speak; - - - doesn't speak? - not sure how a cradle could speak anyway

The dead graves that breath life, - - - breathe life - again the imagery makes no sense - a cradle suggests birth and a grave (especially a 'dead grave') suggests death where there is no breathing or life

As if they talk with beauty. - - - talk with beauty?? It sounds great but makes no sense.

And I don't understand verse 2 at all.

No doubt the experience of visiting a grave (perhaps of a loved one or of a fallen soldier maybe) has made its mark on you, but unfortunately you have been unable to express it clearly enough for anyone else to share. My advice, don't try to cloak what you want to say in 'poetic' turns of phrase. They don't work.

H

[Revolte]

@Hill an object can speak in terms of metephor. Writing does not have to be literal, especially in poetry.

@Shadow Hill is right in that it should be doesn't or another word entirely with the same meaning, as don't doesn't work well in that placement. It should also be Breathe as hill stated as that is the verb form.

I do however enjoy Alone At The Graves outside of that, and disagree with Hill's opinion on how much sense it makes. But I wouldn't be against hearing an explanation either, given this is a discussion site.

[ShadowsCool]

Good points to ponder, thank you guys!

[hillwalker]

@Hill an object can speak in terms of metephor. Writing does not have to be literal, especially in poetry.

I'm well aware of that - but he tells us the cradle doesn't speak then. . . he goes off at a tangent. If he elaborated more it might make sense. Does it not speak back at him - the way it's occupants did? Does it not speak - so providing a welcome moment of peace? Does it not speak - because it has secrets it doesn't wish to share?

As it stands the metaphor fails.

H

[ShadowsCool]

Always something to learn when writing. Writing is perhaps the hardest thing in the world to do. I hope one day to write a passable piece of poetry.