fIRST IMPRESSIONS

[frisbie]

A girl in her early twenties clattered aboard the bus, wrestling with overfilled plastic shopping bags, baby buggy and two year old son tucked under her right arm.

Passengers watched, while pensioners, travelling free strained to find a ringless left hand. They hated single parents drawing benefits. Unfortunately the girl wore gloves.

Sara, an immaculately dressed secretary who travelled daily, hated all other passengers. She sat with an ice-cold detachment

[cacian]

This is a short and interesting story. It is very visual and realistic and rings many bells. It does reminds me of the state of public transports and what it says about its occupants/travellers. Really good short story. I really enjoyed it. I particularly enjoyed this expression:
''She sat with an ice-cold detachment'' very well said. :)
I am not sure about this however:
''Unfortunately the girl wore gloves''
why unfortunately?

[frisbie]

The story is incomplete. I have edited and cannot publish the piece

[cafolini]

You just published the piece. What makes you think that publishing here is not publishing. The story is not complete? Work on it. Then you'll need an editor.

[hillwalker]

Not so much a story as a set of three linked observations. Fine as far as they go, but it's a framework for a story not a story. You also have three separate points of view that tend to throw the focus of the piece.

H