They Tell of No God

[ShadowsCool]

They tell of no God
Simply a product of evolution
A dust ball in space
Where all visions go to die.

In the moment of conception
I did not know why
I was just passing through
The evolutionary litter.

As I grew to
A man with a mind
I looked up into the sky
And saw a wonderful sun.

But then they taught me
God was a product of the imagination
And the birds and flowers
Were just dances in this evolution.

And now this spirit is grieved
Listening to a man with a wicked brow
As his eye hangs on his head
Having justly a permanent scow.

And so a soul goes to an outer garden
Asking itself in the tonic sun,
"Am I all there is?"
As the warmth returns pleasure
Like a beloved one.

[Twota]

I liked it, but didn't quite understand your perspective, an evolutionist or a creationist are you?

[cafolini]

Very few idiots tell of no God.
But that has nothing to do with the idiocy of evolutionism vs creationism to which, again, very few adhere.

[ShadowsCool]

I liked it, but didn't quite understand your perspective, an evolutionist or a creationist are you?

Well the purpose was not to say one way or another; but I have a hard time believing that intelligent life was made out of nothing. In other words, I'm a creationist.

[ShadowsCool]

Very few idiots tell of no God.
But that has nothing to do with the idiocy of evolutionism vs creationism to which, again, very few adhere.

Not sure I understand your point.

[Twota]

I think evolution doesn't refute the presence of God.

[YesNo]

The second stanza from the end confused me, but the rest made sense. I liked "evolutionary litter".

[cafolini]

Not sure I understand your point.

I'm sure you don't.

[ShadowsCool]

I'm sure you don't.

What's your problem?

[Shaman_Raman]

I enjoyed it. Cafolini, I agree that was a vague statement. I take the opposite of your first sentence to mean a lot of idiots tell OF God. But then you follow that it's dumb to see a divide between evolution and creationism, which according to you only a few people see the divide...so basically when put together, there's a small minority of dumb atheists and a small minority of people who believe either one way or the other.

That's my interpretation at least.

[Shaman_Raman]

Unless it's rather your interpretation of the poem and not a point at all. In which case, I can see that.

[cafolini]

I enjoyed it. Cafolini, I agree that was a vague statement. I take the opposite of your first sentence to mean a lot of idiots tell OF God. But then you follow that it's dumb to see a divide between evolution and creationism, which according to you only a few people see the divide...so basically when put together, there's a small minority of dumb atheists and a small minority of people who believe either one way or the other.

That's my interpretation at least.

Yes, that's the point. I mean percentagewise, which is the only way to measure this properly. You can have 50,000 people, but if the population is 300,000,000, they don't count where the action is.

[AuntShecky]

I won't go into the philosophical meaning of this, but looking at the form, I wonder if you couldn't learn a bit more about technique, an endeavor from which all of us would benefit.

Briefly, even though this a "free verse,"there should be some logic in the pattern of lines, both in terms of rhythm and length.

Line 9 ends awkwardly, especially for the openingline of a new stanza (or "strophe.") Look up "line breaks" on the Net; there should be a couple of articles of how breaking the line at strategic places and important words can improve the form of your verse.


Watch out for vague references, as the pronoun "they" has no antecedent.The imagery isn't as expressive as one would expect for such an emotionally-charged topic. A rule of thumb is the more abstract the topic, the more specific the images should be.

[ShadowsCool]

I won't go into the philosophical meaning of this, but looking at the form, I wonder if you couldn't learn a bit more about technique, an endeavor from which all of us would benefit.

Briefly, even though this a "free verse,"there should be some logic in the pattern of lines, both in terms of rhythm and length.

Line 9 ends awkwardly, especially for the openingline of a new stanza (or "strophe.") Look up "line breaks" on the Net; there should be a couple of articles of how breaking the line at strategic places and important words can improve the form of your verse.


Watch out for vague references, as the pronoun "they" has no antecedent.The imagery isn't as expressive as one would expect for such an emotionally-charged topic. A rule of thumb is the more abstract the topic, the more specific the images should be.

Constructive analyses. Thank you AuntShecky!