One Way of How to Get Free from being Single

[free]

Stephanie goes to work every day not so happilly. She would rather have lot of mone and travel around the world. I mean, she would rather enjoy and not work. But... she has not got lot of money, therefore she must work.

Her boss John is a real tyrant. Every day she must be at her office exactly on time, or else her salary gets reduced. And to get reduced salary means lack of so many nice things she affords herself oftenly. A few days ago she bought new furniture for her apartment, the most expensive one. She had just been finished with rearranging her bathroom and clear of debts, then she had to buy that furniture. When she saw it in a catalogue, she could not resist. So... debts again. Oh, well, what is to be done. That’s life.

John is divorced and has a little girl to take care of. Lindsey. A real little beauty. Stephanie saw them once when she was buying her furniture. The girl, the little princess with her big blue eyes and long shining hair looked like her father. For he was a handsome man, no doubt about it. She chattered all the time while John and Steph were exchanging ordiniary words of hello and how are you.

When Steph went away, Lindsey asked her father who was it.

‘A girl from my work, dear’, answered John briefly.

‘She is so beautiful’, added the girl. ‘Why don’t you invite her to our home sometimes?’

She asked naively. John would never do such a thing. No way that he makes private contacts with the office staff to whom he was the boss.

But... the little comment by his daughter never left his mind, after this. He started to look at Stephanie with different eyes. He started to be less strict and meticulous about her mistakes at work. He started to notice her numerous values and qualities that made her different from other girls at work.

So... you guess. He started to court her, they dated and after a few months, they got married.

What is the point of this story? Sometimes, children see things that older people overlook.

[PeterL]

Cute little story, but the grammar isn't very good. If you are interested, then I could send you a rewritten version.

[free]

Cute little story, but the grammar isn't very good. If you are interested, then I could send you a rewritten version.

Thank you, PeterL. You are sooo good! Would you really do it?! Not only that I am interested, but I'd love it! :)

P.S. I think your version should be posted here in the thread, thanks A LOT.

[PeterL]

I tried to correct the grammar and make the language more flowing without altering the general style. There were a few places where the wording was not what one would say in English. Se if it seems to be an improvement.

Stephanie doesn’t go happily to work. She would rather have lot of money and travel around the world. I mean, she would rather enjoy and not work, but she does not have a lot of money, so off to work she goes.

Her boss, John, was a real tyrant. He docked her pay if she was late for work even by a minute. She had to be at her office exactly on time every day, or he would dock her pay, and less pay meant less of the nice things that she bought for herself. A few days ago she bought a new living room set for her apartment, and it was expensive. She had just finished paying off what she owed for renovating her bathroom, then she had to buy that furniture. When she saw it in a catalogue, she could not resist. So... debts again. Oh, well, what is to be done. That’s life.

John was divorced with a young daughter, Lindsey, to take care of. Lindsey is a real little beauty. Stephanie saw them when she was shopping. The girl, a lovely little princess with her big blue eyes and long shining hair looked like a small female version of her father, because he was a handsome, blue-eyed man, no doubt about it. Lindsey had chattered, while John and Steph were exchanging greetings and making small talk.

When Steph went away, Lindsey asked her father who was it.

‘A girl from my work, dear’, answered John briefly.

‘She is so beautiful. ‘Why don’t you invite her to our home sometime?’ Lindsey asked naively. John would never do such a thing. Asking an employee out would undermine his authority as the boss.

But the little comment by his daughter never left his mind after this. He started to look at Stephanie with differently. He became less strict and meticulous about her work. He started to notice her many values and qualities that made her different from other girls at work.

So you can guess. He started to court her. They dated, and after a few months they got married.

What is the point of this story? Sometimes, children see things that older people overlook.

[hillwalker]

Stephanie doesn’t go happily to work. She would rather have lot of money and travel around the world. I mean, she would rather enjoy and not work, but she does not have a lot of money, so off to work she goes.

This ^^^ is hardly an improvement is it?

Stephanie hates going to work. If she had lots of money she would prefer to travel around the world. She would rather enjoy life than have to work - but she doesn't have lots of money so she has to go off to work.

That's the grammar sorted in paragraph 1 - but there's a lot more needs doing. It's horribly repetitive and hardly grabs the reader's attention. And it doesn't get better as we read on. Why, for example, do you change from present tense iat the end of paragraph 1 (she goes)to past tense in paragraph 2 (John was)?

Overall, the story is rather weak I'm sorry to say.

H

[free]

PeterL, you did a great job. Thank you, once again.

:thumbsup: :banana:




Why, for example, do you change from present tense iat the end of paragraph 1 (she goes)to past tense in paragraph 2 (John was)?

Overall, the story is rather weak I'm sorry to say.

H



Because Present Tense in English expresses something that is a usual habit, something that is truth, like - sun rises at the east.

You shouldn't be sorry, I am very greatful to you for reading the story and giving your opinion. :)

[PeterL]

PeterL, you did a great job. Thank you, once again.

:thumbsup: :banana:



You are more than welcome.

And the story is pretty good. If you filled in the details, then you might have a good novel, and it certainly could be turned into a movie.

[free]

You are more than welcome.

And the story is pretty good. If you filled in the details, then you might have a good novel, and it certainly could be turned into a movie.

Thanks. I have many stories which can become novels. Turned into movies... hmmm... very good idea! :)

[PeterL]

Thanks. I have many stories which can become novels. Turned into movies... hmmm... very good idea! :)

Well, get to it!

[AuntShecky]

And please don't forget: "Show, don't tell."

[free]

Stephanie doesn’t go happily to work. She would rather have lot of money and travel around the world. I mean, she would rather enjoy and not work, but she does not have a lot of money, so off to work she goes.

This ^^^ is hardly an improvement is it?

Stephanie hates going to work. If she had lots of money she would prefer to travel around the world. She would rather enjoy life than have to work - but she doesn't have lots of money so she has to go off to work.

That's the grammar sorted in paragraph 1 - but there's a lot more needs doing. It's horribly repetitive and hardly grabs the reader's attention. And it doesn't get better as we read on. Why, for example, do you change from present tense iat the end of paragraph 1 (she goes)to past tense in paragraph 2 (John was)?

Overall, the story is rather weak I'm sorry to say.

H

Thank you for your comment. The story is weak - I must accept it even if I don't like it. :)

[AuntShecky]

Despite the fact that Stephanie has enough dough to buy furniture, does she view marriage as a way to increase her income and lifestyle? Even so, is it worth marrying a guy who's described as a "real tyrant"?

[free]

Despite the fact that Stephanie has enough dough to buy furniture, does she view marriage as a way to increase her income and lifestyle? Even so, is it worth marrying a guy who's described as a "real tyrant"?

I don't think so. The story just says that the little girl made the first step between them to start noticing each other as possible partners. As for the words 'real tyrant' they just refer to him at work. I have noticed that most people have two faces. One is their busines face, most of the time not so attractive and the other one is the face for their home, their private life which is kind, tender and appealing. Except professional soldiers. It seems to me that they demand strict discipline both at their work and at their homes. :)