Cruelty

[Lykren]

Come on.

If you picked up
a dandelion
you might forget to blow on it,
like a candle, although
once you saw something,
and maybe it hurt you,
because afterwards
you never mentioned it.
But really,
you're sitting there, dumb,
and I'm wondering what for.

It was cloudy today.
Your father's a nobody.
I threw a ball
and it landed here,
and so we're talking.
But not about your father.

This is what it is:
a cold day, and one
without much direct light.

Here comes the moon.

Come on.

[Adolescent09]

If I am not aiming for a specific theme in my poetry, I am always trying my luck with word-play.

"To tinker with terms like tots tickle their toys. "

Notice how I came up with that in less than 9 seconds. It also suggests something that, although nowhere near thought-provoking, does make one think for about 10 nanoseconds. Can 'toy' mean love-stick?

IMO, poetry should always flow from you. Unless you are attempting to publish your works, you should never inhibit yourself or edit too much. Subscribe to your own agenda. If your audience sees a piece of you in your words, you my friend, will be the victor.


Read! Write! - An extensive paraphrasing of William Faulkner's timeless quote.

[Lykren]

Soooo... what do you think of my poem?

[Adolescent09]

It's fine. It just doesn't seem very 'natural'. I hope you don't take that the wrong way.

[Lokasenna]

Well, I liked it - I think some of your imagery is captivating, particularly in terms of your last three short stanzas. I think it is 'natural' in the sense that there is nothing artificial about the language - it sounds naturalistic, and this is in part what gives is a powerful effect.