He.

[CatOnAcid]

This is one of my first short stories and my first post on this forum. I'm Sam, I'm from Cornwall, Uk. Take any typos (or lack of sense) with a pinch of salt because this is more of a work in progress for me. The idea popped in to my head and I needed to get it down so I did with haste might I add. So here it is, constructive criticism is more than welcome!

He.

He is the only existence to exist. He is everything. Confined by nothing, no one, restricted only by the limit of his imagination.
Time knows no limit. A second and a day is indiscernible. He builds cathedrals of light within and without the space of his existence.
Testaments to the infinity of his unspoiled imagination. A virgin of pure thought, endless landscapes of rolling color expand in every
direction. The most free entity to exist. Without comparison.

The landscape of indescribable beauty he nurtures is his masterpiece. The more he creates, the more it expands seemingly of it's own
free will. The landscape develops, sprawling ever on. On top of a mountainous point, she is. One of two existences. Him and Her.

He feels something he has never felt. A feeling. The feeling sparks within him. He grows larger, no longer unconfinable by infinity, He
reaches an adolescence of the mind. She develops. She feels a feeling and grows larger, though notably smaller than He. He and She
communicate for the first time. An awkward exchange though again, they both feel a feeling and grow a little larger.

The arrival of She gives a comparison, time. After three days of communicating, He and She have formed the only friendship to have ever
existed. Their communication is both physical and mental.

The landscape is more beautiful than before, monoliths of splendiforous light erupt around them every time they communicate.

After three months of communication She is much larger than before. He is smaller, feeling a new feeling.

After some time She is smaller again. He, She, Him and Her, 4 existing beings on the landscape. He and She Large and growing smaller, Him
and Her very small but growing larger. With every day that passes He and She grow smaller and slower, struggling to add to the landscape,
they teach the fast growing and larger Him and Her to build cathedrals of light. He and she show Him and Her how to create endless
landscapes of rolling color that expand in every direction.

Within a few more days He and She grow to the size of Him and Her at their creation. He and She communicate. An awkward exchange, though
again, they both feel a feeling and grow smaller so that they blend with the landscape that they nurtured and communicate no more.

[hillwalker]

Hi Sam,

I'm always wary of critiquing work that's posted 'with haste' by someone who has just jotted down a story that 'popped' into their head. Writing a story has to be done with a little more finesses - and it shows more respect for your prospective readers if you take some trouble to edit and redraft until you're reasonably happy with it. If you take so little trouble to create it, why should we spend more time and effort on feedback to your story than you took to write it in the first place.

Having said that, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Normally the opening to a story has to have some kind of hook to grab the reader's attention and generate enough curiosity to keep them reading. Unfortunately your first paragraph is a total turn off.

He is the only existence to exist. He is everything. Confined by nothing, no one, restricted only by the limit of his imagination.

Unless we know who (or what) 'He' is we can't begin to engage with him or his situation. If readers don't engage with the character they won't care what happens to them. They won't even bother reading further.
It certainly put me off reading the rest of your piece. I skimmed though it, and unfortunately I found it impenetrable and pretentious.

I couldn't even begin to understand what it's supposed to be about - maybe that was your intention. To dazzle us with words.
Unfortunately it was no fun to read - and I suggest you read a few 'short stories' to get some understanding of what the term means. This isn't one.

H

[Dane Beach]

I loved it. Don't stop writing. Having a flair for the abstract is a great thing as a writer. Having some flair for lyricism is also very good. Having a love for rhythmic words, once again a good thing. I think you have a lot of potential, and should keep writing. I would consider this a poem before I considered it a short story though. It's a speculation, not really a story. More like a snapshot. The opening line snagged me. Having said that, the opening line is redundant. (Technically should be.. "He is the only existence, he is everything.")

I think you can refine it. Abstract doesn't have to be difficult to read or understand. There are parts which could be more simple and clean. Cut out things which do not contribute to your meaning, sharpen the blade so to speak. Eliminate distractions. Its a very personal piece, abstract to the point where only some parts are going to resonate with others. Try to be more communicative.

Don't stop writing. :D I liked it.

[Delta40]

I agree with Hill. It's all very well to say you have a flair for writing but it's no good if it's not in the right context. This piece would do far better as a staged monologue by a character than a short story for example to reduce the abstract factor. So keep writing but think about who your audience is.