Biggus
03-23-2013, 07:45 AM
ARE YOU WEARING A STICK ON TATTOO?
Are you wearing a stick on tattoo?
Is that really the best you could do?
What? You were too scared to get proper ink?
What will the rest of the chapter think?
I ORDERED THE TARKA DAL
I ordered the Tarka Dal
It was like lentil soup only hotter
I was a bit disappointed
As I was expecting curried otter
WIDOWERS RECOMPENSE
I am now a lonely widower
And all my buddies are dead
But there are compensations
That must definitely be said
There’s life in the old dog yet
That’s all I have to say,
As I go to the retirement home
For my fifty shades of grey
DEFROSTING THE FRIDGE
I spent two hours defrosting
The fridge yesterday
Although my darling wife
Prefers to call it foreplay
PATIENTS RIGHTS
A patient asked “nurse, why did you stop
My visitors coming to see me?”
She replied “you know perfectly well why,
You broke the rules Mr Ellery”
“But listen here I know my rights” he persisted
“I’m allowed to have three”
“You are allowed friends and family not
Prostitutes and takeaway deliveries
A FRUITFUL RELATIONSHIP
When I first dated my wife
Long ago in another life
I would get aroused watching her
Eating a banana
Now, thirty years later
It’s quite a different matter
I only get exited watching her
If she chokes on the banana
BIRTHDAY TREAT
When your wife asks,
Which of her friends,
You would choose from,
To attend
Your birthday treat
And participate
In a threesome,
You shouldn’t hesitate
But a word of caution
When she asks you
Just give her the one name
And not two
DOMESTIC TIP
How do you turn on the dishwasher?
My friend asked me
I replied that in my house
Blowing in her ear was the key
Are you wearing a stick on tattoo?
Is that really the best you could do?
What? You were too scared to get proper ink?
What will the rest of the chapter think?
I ORDERED THE TARKA DAL
I ordered the Tarka Dal
It was like lentil soup only hotter
I was a bit disappointed
As I was expecting curried otter
WIDOWERS RECOMPENSE
I am now a lonely widower
And all my buddies are dead
But there are compensations
That must definitely be said
There’s life in the old dog yet
That’s all I have to say,
As I go to the retirement home
For my fifty shades of grey
DEFROSTING THE FRIDGE
I spent two hours defrosting
The fridge yesterday
Although my darling wife
Prefers to call it foreplay
PATIENTS RIGHTS
A patient asked “nurse, why did you stop
My visitors coming to see me?”
She replied “you know perfectly well why,
You broke the rules Mr Ellery”
“But listen here I know my rights” he persisted
“I’m allowed to have three”
“You are allowed friends and family not
Prostitutes and takeaway deliveries
A FRUITFUL RELATIONSHIP
When I first dated my wife
Long ago in another life
I would get aroused watching her
Eating a banana
Now, thirty years later
It’s quite a different matter
I only get exited watching her
If she chokes on the banana
BIRTHDAY TREAT
When your wife asks,
Which of her friends,
You would choose from,
To attend
Your birthday treat
And participate
In a threesome,
You shouldn’t hesitate
But a word of caution
When she asks you
Just give her the one name
And not two
DOMESTIC TIP
How do you turn on the dishwasher?
My friend asked me
I replied that in my house
Blowing in her ear was the key