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[twist]

He was going on and on and I felt my fists clench. That's when I punched him. 'Pow!', just like in the movies. He went crashing down. Of course, I hadn't really hit him. I blinked and there he was still droning on. I tried to smile politely but caught sight of myself in the mirror. The smile looked fake like I'd had recent plastic surgery.

"Yeah, I'm sorry you had a bad experience with our company but it really isn't our fault." I said again.

Just then the boss stepped in. "Problem?" he inquired, swinging his golf club. "Give him my email. I'll get back to him,".

I knew he wouldn't, just like he hadn't replied to the fifty other emails in his inbox. At that precise moment I felt like taking a swing at him too.

(Does the beginning make you want to read on?? I'm just wondering where to take this but wanted some opinions, thanks)

[63horses]

I'd read on, but a little confused as the the setting. I'd assumed it was in the office until reading the boss had a gold club. Anyway, provide a little more description as to where it takes and what is going on.

[63horses]

*golf

[twist]

Thanks 63horses. It is set in an office but the boss is playing golf during office hours. You're right, it does need descriptions.

[hillwalker]

Personally I wouldn't want to read on - probably because your 'story' starts in the wrong place. Who's 'He' and what do you mean by 'going on and on'? And why is there a mirror in an office??

It's unclear what's happening and you have three generic characters - 'him' 'me' and 'the boss' - which makes it difficult for anyone to engage with them or their situation.

It's not a case of needing descriptions - it's a case of creating a logical plot arc and adding some flesh to your characters.

H