Biggus
03-11-2013, 08:05 AM
OUT OF THIS WORLD PRODUCE
My supermarkets veg is the best
Normally for quality you can’t beat it
But I bought some rocket salad
That went off before I could eat it
TRANSFUSION CONFUSION
Scientists have completed a study
And transfusions of Chicken blood
Are more beneficial medically
The positive side effects are that
It tends to make the men cocky
And women lay more regularly
ASK A STUPID QUESTION # 2
I walked past a homeless man
As I went into Co-op express
On my way out he said “Any Change?”
I replied “No, you're still homeless”
THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS GIVING
Doctors have found a type of food
Which leaves an ache
And causes grief and suffering
Years after we partake
It has now been identified
As wedding cake
EMOTIONAL WEDDING
I was with my wife,
At a family wedding do
And I said unsolicited
“I really love you"
“Is that the beer talking?”
She said “or you dear?”
I replied: “It was me
Talking to the beer”
NEW ABODE
At the weekend a friend of mine
Moved into a new house
And not wanting to visit
Empty handed I used a bit of nouse
And bought her a gift
I knew that she couldn’t resent
A couple of small radiators
As a little house warming present
LOST LUGGAGE
It was a dreadful flight
And it was late as well
Then I couldn't find my case
On the baggage carousel
So I went to “lost luggage”
To report the loss of it
The woman looked the part
But I didn’t trust her a bit
She said she would apply
Her professional hand
Then she said “now tell me
“When does your plane land?”
I DO MENTAL ARITHMETIC
I do mental arithmetic
When I’m lying in my bed
I like to count the voices
I hear inside my head
My supermarkets veg is the best
Normally for quality you can’t beat it
But I bought some rocket salad
That went off before I could eat it
TRANSFUSION CONFUSION
Scientists have completed a study
And transfusions of Chicken blood
Are more beneficial medically
The positive side effects are that
It tends to make the men cocky
And women lay more regularly
ASK A STUPID QUESTION # 2
I walked past a homeless man
As I went into Co-op express
On my way out he said “Any Change?”
I replied “No, you're still homeless”
THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS GIVING
Doctors have found a type of food
Which leaves an ache
And causes grief and suffering
Years after we partake
It has now been identified
As wedding cake
EMOTIONAL WEDDING
I was with my wife,
At a family wedding do
And I said unsolicited
“I really love you"
“Is that the beer talking?”
She said “or you dear?”
I replied: “It was me
Talking to the beer”
NEW ABODE
At the weekend a friend of mine
Moved into a new house
And not wanting to visit
Empty handed I used a bit of nouse
And bought her a gift
I knew that she couldn’t resent
A couple of small radiators
As a little house warming present
LOST LUGGAGE
It was a dreadful flight
And it was late as well
Then I couldn't find my case
On the baggage carousel
So I went to “lost luggage”
To report the loss of it
The woman looked the part
But I didn’t trust her a bit
She said she would apply
Her professional hand
Then she said “now tell me
“When does your plane land?”
I DO MENTAL ARITHMETIC
I do mental arithmetic
When I’m lying in my bed
I like to count the voices
I hear inside my head