uh stury

[Jack of Hearts]

delete

[hillwalker]

Interesting slice of life - more intriguing as it nears the end. The first four paragraphs didn't really grab me - possibly because the conversation and detailed choreography seems too artificial. The narrator does three things before he completes his first line of dialogue - strolls/plants/bites - none of which seem to make the scene come to life any more than if he'd just asked the question. It's also strange that he would share Sara's obsession with the smudge.

The tone of the piece improves as does the momentum once Sara decides to continue her 'investigation'. Of course, at the end we're no nearer knowing what the mark is or why it might be significant. Was there another woman in the flat over night? Is it her lipstick that's left an impression on the mug?

Worth a read before you delete it.

H

[MANICHAEAN]

Ah come on
Show us yer stury!

[AuntShecky]

Next time you post a story, please, please give me a quick call so I can get online and read it before you delete it. Oh, Jack, we hardly knew ye.

[hillwalker]

They seek him here, they seek him there, they seek 'Frère Jacques' everywhere. . .

H