Puck

[qimissung]

It’s time to say good-bye, small black cat.
I love to hold you, light and frail
Like a toddler, I swing you up into my arms,
Or set you gently on your feet, lay you in your bed,
Move quietly through the house, that you may sleep,
Undisturbed.

You resist my condescending attention even now,
with your hip-bones jutting,
And your eyes which do not see me, but look into the middle distance.
It is I who fears what they see there.
I know I am the one who is postponing your visit with destiny.
Your little heart still beats rapidly, and it will not be merciful to me,
And stop of its’ own accord

Stubbornly you go on living, and God! I do not wish to be the one to decide
So we wait in the slowly darkening room,
My hand counting the bones in your back,
Waiting, waiting

Qimissung
March 2013

[qimissung]

:sad: This is actually more a blatant bid for sympathy than anything else.

[tailor STATELY]

You have my sympathy. I've lost a kitty recently. Took Scooter Pi to the vet on a Monday in February and they found a mass near his kidney. They also mentioned I had no more Kitty credits for a surgery, but were uncertain if a surgery would even help. He woke me on the following Thursday and I stayed with him until he passed on after 30 minutes or so. It still hurts terribly.

[cacian]

qimissung is Puck the name of your cat?
I am sorry about the cat. This is a sweet piece and I am sure Puck will appreciate it :)
Get another one soon perhaps. They are lovely cats. Superindependent and calin.

[Maximilianus]

Sorry about your loss, qimi. It's a heartfelt farewell, evidence of your strong feelings for him. I mostly refrain from making animal friends because of the pain of letting go, though I once had a couple whose departures are remembered.

[Snowqueen]

I’m really sorry for your loss, Qimi. How old was Puck?
I love your piece of poetry, it’s very moving.

[qimissung]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Tailor! It's such a painful experience. You too, Max. Whenever I get in this situation, I always wonder why I keep doing this to myself. Our little furry friends don't live so long, you know. Ugh, hamsters are the worst. You get a year, two at most.

Thank you all so much. I feel better already. He's not dead yet, though. I took him to the vet and she thinks it's time to have him put down. He didn't look comfortable-those are her words. He's mostly blind, he's got arthritis (and so can't clean himself anymore), he can't seem to eat his food unless I hold the bowl up to his mouth, but he's really, really hungry. He's also got thyroid problems, but the vet said that giving him medicine would not help all the symptoms of his condition. She basically said there isn't anything else they can do for him, and that we would probably have to have him put to sleep eventually. And I don't know how to decide that. Nor do I want to be the one to decide that.

On the other hand when I put him down in his little holiday bed I got for him he puts out his paw stiffly so he can't really lay down. Then he gets up and paces up and down the hall.

So how will I know when the time is right? We're just taking it a day at a time, which seems very precious and more than a little bittersweet. He's eighteen, btw. Maybe nineteen. He's also got very strong jaws cause he bit the c*** out of me the other day after I had washed his paws. And yes, Cacian, his name is Puck. My son named him after a hockey puck, since he is black like one. Did you know that black cats are often the last ones adopted at animal shelters?

[cacian]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Tailor! It's such a painful experience. You too, Max. Whenever I get in this situation, I always wonder why I keep doing this to myself. Our little furry friends don't live so long, you know. Ugh, hamsters are the worst. You get a year, two at most.

Thank you all so much. I feel better already. He's not dead yet, though. I took him to the vet and she thinks it's time to have him put down. He didn't look comfortable-those are her words. He's mostly blind, he's got arthritis (and so can't clean himself anymore), he can't seem to eat his food unless I hold the bowl up to his mouth, but he's really, really hungry. He's also got thyroid problems, but the vet said that giving him medicine would not help all the symptoms of his condition. She basically said there isn't anything else they can do for him, and that we would probably have to have him put to sleep eventually. And I don't know how to decide that. Nor do I want to be the one to decide that.

On the other hand when I put him down in his little holiday bed I got for him he puts out his paw stiffly so he can't really lay down. Then he gets up and paces up and down the hall.

So how will I know when the time is right? We're just taking it a day at a time, which seems very precious and more than a little bittersweet. He's eighteen, btw. Maybe nineteen. He's also got very strong jaws cause he bit the c*** out of me the other day after I had washed his paws. And yes, Cacian, his name is Puck. My son named him after a hockey puck, since he is black like one. Did you know that black cats are often the last ones adopted at animal shelters?
No!!! really that is truly weird because I ADORE black because they are the most beautiful. I would adopt one tomorrow if I could. They are supposed to bring good luck in my country black cats. Black is gorgeous.
Puck is a new word for me I have to look it up. and thank you for such insightful post :) so glad to hear the cat is doing well.

[YesNo]

You described the situation well. I would let the cat die of natural causes the way I would a person. Since we have a cat, what you described is the likely ending we will have to face as well one day.

[Buh4Bee]

We went through this with our cat of many years. We didn't put him down. He died of old age in the summer. It was heart-wrenching. It is a precious time saying you're goodbyes. Nice little poem to express your love for your cat. Will be thinking of you guys.

[qimissung]

Thank you, YesNo and Buh4Bee. I am inclined in that direction.

[bIGwIRE]

My heart goes out to you, too, Qimi. I had to put my old German short-hair, Oden, down a short time ago. Heart wrenching, for sure. We had a lot of good times together. I'll always remember the first time he went on full point. It was on a big black ant. He was just a pup then, haha.

Anyway, I know it is a rough choice between letting your little buddy keep his life or hold onto his dignity. Everyone has to draw that line for themselves, and it isn't easy. Again, all my sympathy.

This is a beautiful tribute, and Puck is about the coolest name for a cat I've ever heard.

Whatever you end up doing, it sounds like you gave him a good life, and he you.

[Haunted]

Heart wrenching Qim. I honestly don't which is worse, waiting waiting waiting and living with anticipatory grief, or fast forward and drown in full blown grief. My vet said to put Tiger to sleep. But despite his conditions and not eating, he'd wake up everyday waiting eagerly at the door to be let out. So how could I deny him of another day of life? It dragged on for weeks then one day I could see it was time. He still had a zest for life, but his illnesses caught up with him.

Reading your poem, I started wondering if I should have waited longer for nature to take its course. It was a tough call. His stomach was churning so loud I could just wonder how he felt inside. He could hardly stand up. He fell next to the litterbox and didn't get up until I saw him. Worse yet, he pretended he was alright and walked on dropped foot just to impress me. It broke my heart. His lost more than half his weight, he was down to just bones. Your line about counting the bones really hit home. It's lines like this, simple, telling it like it is, that makes it so real and moving.

Ah, those words from the vet... "there isn't anything else I can do for him". I despaired. That was Skippy, my first cat that left me. She went on for 10 more days. Tiger had to take thyroid meds too. And he lost his hearing. Also had arthritis. He used to jump from tree to tree! Sometimes he was more like a mountain lion than a tiger. Really sad to see him that way in the end. I gave him Joint Gel and he licked it off my finger. Anyway he lived to be 18 but couldn't hold on any longer. I know what you are going through, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs to you Qim.

[qimissung]

Thank you, bIgwIRE and Haunted. Hearing your pet stories is so sad. But you hit the proverbial nail on the head, bIgwIRE, when you talked about letting them hold onto their dignity. I'm sorry about Oden. The sad thing about dogs is they don't live as long as cats. And the sad thing about all of them is they don't live long enough.

Haunted, I hadn't heard about joint gel. I'll look into that. I had a tube of high calorie gel, but he will not eat it, even if I hide it in other food. So frustrating.

And heartbreaking to read about Tiger. Haunted, whatever you did was the right thing, because you did it out of love. You simply cannot second guess yourself now. He sounds like a lovely cat, one I would have liked to meet. Your a good cat mommy.

[F.E. Michael]

I've never taken to cats, though I love all animals. I am young enough that I've only lost a couple of family pets, though none of my own. I dread the days my dog grows old, he's only five now. We've been through so much together. I think I'll probably have to be sedated if he doesn't go calmly. I feel for you and I wouldn't be strong enough to even face, nevermind reflect on, a pet dying. Not until after would I be able to.

[qimissung]

Thank you, F.E. Michael. Dog lovers are welcome here, too. I've never ascribed to the 'my pets are my children' thing that seems prevalent now, but there is a bond, and it matters.

Give your dog a little pat for me, OK?