Clouds, they radiate

[Lykren]

It radiates silence.
The dim
stark twilight
brings around
echoes of the
fire. Clouds
that were no document
gather, and seem
monumental.
Crowded together
on the plain,
lit by radiance
that strikes from below
they toss and twist
their weightless trunks
as if seized
by some infernal malady.
They radiate death.
I love you
as they love the horizon,
deeply, and with effort.
As though from a distance.

[WolfLarsen]

Nice rhythm.

Other than that it doesn't do much for me. It's too safe.

But I do recognize that a lot of skill went into this. The reader can feel the clouds moving & changing shape as they spread across the horizon – thanks to the skill with which you use your words.

Or maybe it was sweat that went into this.

It sort of reminds me of looking at a good piece of wood work from a good craftsman.

[Lykren]

Thanks for your comment, Wolf.

It's funny; reading this I attach to it all thr emotions i had while writing it - but a reader doesn't have that advantage, so maybe it comes across as detached.

[qimissung]

I personally think being evocative is a more important quality in poetry than being 'not safe,' and this poem is plenty evocative. Beautifully done, in my opinion.

[Buh4Bee]

I think you strike a good balance. It does not come across indifferent, but with a subtle and deep emotion. It moves my stone heart. Lovely.

[Lykren]

Thank you, Qimi and Buh.