Story needing feedback

[yourflyingarrow]

Okay, so i JUST signed up for this forum because i need some quick feedback. I had this story come to me today, and i've been writing for the last three hours.

here's the link so i don't clog up this page:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ygoU88KK3zC_Jni4CrCnEh6vyIjifaubTHEExAsYsdA/pub

If you could provide me with feedback, that would be great. Thanks.

[hillwalker]

2 suggestions -

1) Post your story in the 'Short Story Sharing' forum - that way you'll get more feedback
2) Don't give us a link (most of us are wary clicking on unknown links) - just copy and paste the story into your post so we can all read it. You're not 'clogging' up the page any more than the other writers on here.

H